The Rushford Times - A weekly newsletter from Jodi Taylor
Sent on Wednesdays to paid subscribers and Fridays to free subscribers
This week we have:
Jodi Taylor’s - Fitted Sheet Trauma
Jodi Taylor’s Book Recommendation:
This week in History: How Elizabeth I’s coronation in 1559 shaped the monarchy
Short Story of the Month: Roman Holiday - a chance to discover some of the St Mary’s short stories
There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.
Fitted sheet trauma
I am screaming – inside and out.
Fitted sheets.
Bloody fitted sheets.
Actually, I’m exaggerating. That should be fitted sheet singular because I’ve only got one. But one is enough.
Everyone in whose life fitted sheets play even a very minor role, will know exactly what I’m on about
Bloody, bloody fitted sheets.
And no, I don’t feel any better for that comparatively mild outburst. For a full appreciation of my struggles, you should have been here an hour ago. That was the moment when, frustrated beyond endurance at my inability to find more than two corners, I was forced to fight my way free of the easy-care, cotton-mix rhombus I’d erected around myself.
Emerging successfully – hello again world. Did you miss me? – and determined to master this malevolent life form, I gave the thing an almighty great shake – the fitted sheet equivalent of switching it off and then back on again – and prepared to resume my search for those elusive corners.
Unfortunately, I didn’t notice I was actually standing on the thing at the time of the Great Shake and I very nearly yanked myself into the middle of next week.
Yes, let’s forget time-travelling pods, shall we? All you actually need for an unscheduled jump to the middle of next week is a fitted sheet and let’s face it, most of us have got at least one of those We could all be whizzing up and down the timeline clutching My Little Pony bedlinen.
The Time Police would be shouting, ‘Lay down your fitted sheet, get down on the ground and surrender.’
Smallhope and Pennyroyal would be gathering up acres of fluffy pink flannelette as evidence, prior to getting their dockets signed and authorised
Except that won’t happen because fitted sheets, like small humans under the age of three, cats, and my hair, are virtually unmanageable. You’d set your coordinates for say the Court of Charles II, flap your sheet and you’d open your eyes to find yourself sealed up in a particularly malodorous cholera pit in eighteen hundred and something or other. And all because of bloody bollocking fitted sheets. I actually ended up laying the thing out on the floor, crawling all over it while cursing the malignant gods of bedlinen, and I still couldn’t find all four corners.
Seriously, there’s got to be a better way. It’s bad enough that my lack of spatial awareness abilities are showcased every Christmas when I present friends and relatives with lovingly-wrapped but bizarrely-shaped Sellotape-encased objects that defy the basic laws of physics – now scale all that up, multiply by five, stick a nought on the end and add in your birthday and you get just the vaguest idea of the magnitude of my fitted sheet-related struggles. There’s got to be a better way. Men have walked on the moon, for God’s sake.
And no, I’m not feeling any better for that rant – let the screaming recommence.
Hearts Through History Writing Competition
To celebrate Valentine’s Day, we’re delighted to announce a brand new writing competition created especially for fans of Jodi Taylor. CLICK HERE for more information.
This Week in History: How Elizabeth I’s coronation in 1559 shaped the monarchy
On 15 January 1559, Elizabeth I was crowned Queen of England at Westminster Abbey, an event that marked not merely the accession of a new monarch but the beginning of one of the most consequential reigns in British history. The coronation took place at a moment of profound uncertainty. England had endured decades of religious upheaval, dynastic anxiety and political instability under the later Tudors, and Elizabeth inherited a kingdom deeply divided in faith and fragile in its international standing.
Elizabeth’s coronation was carefully stage-managed to project continuity, legitimacy and reassurance. As the daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, her claim had once been questioned, yet by 1559 her position was secure enough for her to present herself as the embodiment of lawful succession. The ceremony blended traditional Catholic ritual with carefully chosen elements acceptable to reformers, foreshadowing the religious settlement that would define her reign. This instinct for balance became one of Elizabeth’s defining traits as monarch.
Roman Holiday - ideally read or listened to between A Second Chance and A Trail Through Time. Available in Kindle and Audiobook formats - also included in The Long and Short of It anthology
In Roman Holiday, the ever-adventurous historians of St. Mary’s find themselves amidst the political intrigues of Ancient Rome in 44 BC. Tasked with observing an infamous moment in history, they inadvertently become embroiled in Julius Caesar’s domestic affairs—specifically, the delicate situation of housing his mistress, Cleopatra VII, under the same roof as his wife, Calpurnia. As tensions rise, the team encounters a series of unexpected events, including attempted murder, stampeding livestock, a bowl of venomous snakes, and a minor riot. With their characteristic blend of wit and chaos, the St. Mary’s crew must navigate the perils of ancient politics and ensure history remains unaltered.
Jodi Taylor says…
‘This is the embarrassing one. I wrote it because I couldn’t work out how to operate the door in my offspring’s flat, so I was trapped. All day. I wrote almost the whole story in one day. Ten thousand words, people! And everyone laughed at my predicament because children today have no respect for their elders.’
The fitted sheet is a worthy adversary, but it can be overcome by training and strict discipline. Find the inside of any one corner of the sheet, and place it on any one corner of the mattress. Then, still holding the sheet edge, go off in either direction. There are only three possibilities: (1) Good fit! Corner of sheet and corner of mattress arrive together. (2) The corner of the sheet arrives, but not the corner of the mattress. (3) The corner of the mattress arrives, but you still have leftover sheet.
In case (1) really, it's all over but the shouting. In either case (2) or case (3) move your original sheet corner to an adjacent--NOT DIAGONAL--mattress cover from your first pick. Then go back off in either direction. This time it should work, and the fitted sheet will acknowledge defeat.
Hey! Eleven years Air Guard, Fourteen regular Army and a widower living alone for 30+ years now. Give me a bed accessible from two long sides, and I can still produce hospital corners. But you can't show fear: let the sheet know you're in charge.
Putting them on the bed is OK. Folding them up to put them away is impossible. Mine are in the under bed storage. Roll into a ball - lift bed up - throw ball in - push bed down and no one knows.