The Rushford Times - A weekly newsletter from Jodi Taylor
Sent on Wednesdays to paid subscribers and Fridays to free subscribers
This week we have:
Jodi Taylor - The Kitchen Windowsill of Death
New! Time Police Writing Competition - Regulation 847.6 Has Been Breached
NEW! April audio clip competition - guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time
NEW! Short Story of the Month: The Great St Mary’s Day Out - a chance to discover some of the St Mary’s short stories
There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.
The Kitchen Windowsill of Death.
I don’t know if I’ve actually mentioned the Kitchen Windowsill of Death before – if I haven’t then let me introduce you to the Kitchen Windowsill of Death – the place where plants go to die. There have been battlefields with fewer victims and less carnage than my kitchen window sill. So far, we’ve seen off four cyclamen, two poinsettias – I’ve still got one left – I’m pretty sure it’s dead but it just doesn’t know it yet. Where was I? Yes – together with a couple of basil plants and a clump of supposedly indestructible lemon balm.
The only thing that has ever survived unscathed is a rather pretty purple orchid and that’s only because it’s artificial. I’m expecting it to go down with plastic rot any moment now
Matters came to a head today. I bought a fresh-baked cottage loaf and a big purple daisy plant from the market. Fear not – the fresh-baked cottage loaf is severely depleted but thriving. The plant, however – different story. Thirty minutes after being tenderly unwrapped and set out on the KWOD and told to behave itself, we had major wilting. An hour later we had petal fall. Now, two hours later the leaves have gone limp and any moment now it’s going to pass peacefully into the next world.
It’s not as if conditions on the sill aren’t ideal. It’s a big bay window with glass on three sides so there’s plenty of light. Not a lot of cooking actually takes place – let’s not go there – so the temperature is fairly constant and I’m at a complete loss to explain the massive number of casualties to date. House plants, flowering plants, tomatoes, lettuces, herbs, Christmas plants – it’s just one long, sad, silent promenade of death. My kitchen windowsill is horticulture’s answer to the Bermuda Triangle.
I’m considering a scientific experiment. Two bowls of fruit. Identical bowls – identical fruit. One will be placed on the KWOD and the other in, say, my bedroom, which has the same aspect so the experiment will be fair to both. I think it will be interesting to see which one lingers longest. Or, in another and completely unrelated experiment – how long the fruit will survive without being eaten.
PS – It’s only just occurred to me – suppose, just suppose, it’s not just the windowsill but the whole kitchen that is lethal to life. In which case my reluctance to embark on culinary adventures has probably saved my life. Supposing an average of three meals a day – and setting aside the normal culinary hazards I face on a daily basis – exactly how long would I have lasted? I might have gone the same way as the poinsettias some years ago.
I’ve always maintained cooking is bad for your health and it’s gratifying to be proved right.
Jodi x
It’s time for another fun writing competition. This time we want you to invent the TIME POLICE Regulation 847.6, then write the incident that caused the rule to exist.
Tone: Deadpan bureaucratic logic meets total time-travel disaster.
How It Works
Write Regulation 847.6 (overly specific, official sounding).
Write the timeline incident that forced the Time Police to create it.
Show the chaos escalating logically but absurdly.
Style Guidelines
Formal report tone
Ridiculous problem treated seriously
Increasingly specific details
Bureaucracy making everything worse
Your Entry Should Include
A named officer or department
A time-travel mistake
Escalation into disaster
The creation of Regulation 847.6
Recommended length: 400–800 words
Minimum: 200 words
Maximum: 1,200 words
Example Regulation
Regulation 847.6: Officers are prohibited from scheduling overlapping historical revolutions without prior clearance from Administrative Chronology and a completed Form 847.6-C (Revolution Sequencing).
So get your thinking caps on, write your regulation and then a short report explaining why it was created.
The prize will be a £50 gift card from Bookshop.org
Closing date is 30th April and the winner will be chosen by reader poll from 1st - 12th of May with the winner announced in the May 13th newsletter.
CLICK HERE to enter
APRIL - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION
Guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time
Put your knowledge of Jodi’s books to the test with our audio clip competition. Listen carefully to a short extract and see if you can identify the book and the characters speaking for a chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time.
Audiobooks are hugely popular among Jodi Taylor fans, bringing her stories to life through distinctive voices, character-driven performances, and immersive narration. For many readers, audiobooks offer the perfect way to enjoy a favourite series while commuting, walking, or relaxing. They make stories more accessible, flexible, and engaging than ever.
Tune in, trust your ears, and see if you can name the book and the characters behind the voices.
The Great St Mary’s Day Out - available in Kindle and Audiobook formats - also included in The Long and Short of It anthology
Astonishingly, Dr Bairstow has declared a holiday. Even more astonishingly – he’s paying for it.
Needless to say, there are strings attached. They have to record the 1601 performance of Hamlet, with Shakespeare himself in the role of the Ghost.
It doesn’t go well, of course. With Dr Bairstow and Mrs Mack turning a simple visit to a street market into a public brawl, Professor Rapson inadvertently stowing away on a vessel bound for the New World, and Shakespeare himself going up in flames, it would seem that Max, of all people, is the only one actually completing the assignment.
Jodi Taylor says…
‘I challenged myself to get the words “Dr Bairstow” and “selfie” in the same
sentence. Challenge accepted!’
Buy now from Bookshop.org - UK USA
JT, you make my week!
Not sure if fruit will react the same as plants. Perhaps the plants don't like the view. (Or the draught, the cold, the heat, or .......). My plants do the same probably because I forget to water them.