It's Friday - What Can Possibly Go Wrong?
A Faceful of Bacon and more from Jodi Taylor
This week we have:
A Faceful of Bacon by Jodi Taylor
Enjoy an extract read by Jodi Taylor from When a Child is Born
This week’s History Briefing is about The Disruption of William the Conqueror’s Coronation on Christmas Day 1066
A joke from the Silly Sunday thread in the Fans & Readers Facebook group
Pre-order is now available for Out of Time
Website news
There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything new on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.
A Faceful of Bacon
I’m supposed to be reading through When a Child is Born and preparing an excerpt to read later this week but I think we can all see that’s not happening because I’m having a bit of a rant.
I suppose it could be a sign I’m getting old – although I’ll admit that over everyone else’s dead body – but has anyone else noticed how difficult it is to get into things these days? I’ve always had difficulties with packs of bacon – the amount of blood I’ve spilled would keep a blood bank going for a week. Yes – I am aware my policy of simply stabbing at it with a sharp instrument is probably slightly unwise – but teeth no longer work. I don’t mean my teeth don’t work any longer but gnawing away at a corner so I can rip open the packet is no longer as effective as it once was. And then the pack disintegrates and a faceful of bacon is not pleasant, trust me, and people keep asking why they can smell bacon and I have to look innocent and say I don’t know – perhaps there’s something wrong with their nasal perceptions.
And cheese. That’s just as bad. That’s two of my favourite food groups which are now virtually inaccessible. Thank God they don’t wrap chocolate in plastic. Yet. And it’s not just food any longer. Everything is shrink-wrapped these days.
Matters came to a head this morning. I found a forgotten bath bomb. I had a birthday a couple of months ago and the family – for reasons never satisfactorily explained to me – bought me a ton of bathroom things. Not taps or plugs or things – although, as a child, I did once buy my dad a plug for the bath for his birthday because I was so fed up with having to jam my heel in the plughole every time I wanted a bath. I can’t remember what happened to the original plug – something weird, I expect – but for some reason he kept forgetting to replace it and we – all of us – either had to bathe very, very quickly indeed, or wedge some portion of our anatomy into the hole. The entire thing was a bit like one of those maths problems.
If it takes Jodi three days to fill a bath – how long does she have to wash her bits and pieces? And which portion of her anatomy will be most effective at preventing outflow?
Remember – this was long before showers became fashionable so this was a very big collective family issue. I remember buying the plug. It cost one shilling and ninepence. Well, actually, it didn’t. It cost sixpence, but I blanked out the price in such a way that it looked more expensive than it actually was. I think I was hoping for reimbursement. That didn’t happen.
Back to the bath bomb. The shrink-wrapped bath bomb, if you cast your mind back. As usual I fumbled for ages and ended up trying to stab it with the scissors. Which semi-worked. The wrapping remained intact but I did manage to destroy the bath bomb. Which literally crumbled under my assault so I simply snipped a hole in the plastic and poured the shrapnel into the bath. Where it foamed and bubbled in a more energetic manner than I was prepared to cope with at that hour of the morning.
I’m supposed to be writing about When a Child is Born. Sorry.
This was the first short story I ever wrote. I remember I’d been summoned to Accent Press. I can’t remember why – I think I had to sign something. Giving them permission to sell my firstborn, I think. Anyway, I was literally half way out of the door and, foolishly as it turned out, I asked if there was anything else they wanted from me.
Note to aspiring authors – NEVER say this to a publisher. Ever. Because there always is and they’ve been wondering how to lead up to whatever dreadful thing they want you to do and you’ve just given them the perfect opening. Stifle your urge to be a lovely person and get out of the door asap.
Anyway, the damage was done. Hazel, apparently struck by a Brilliant Idea, said, ‘Yes, how about a short story?’
‘OK,’ I said, never having written one before and with no idea how tricky they can be.
‘A Christmas story,’ she said, skewering me with a tsunami of enthusiasm and excitement. ‘Plenty of time.’
This was late October.
‘OK,’ I said, with absolutely no idea what I’d just agreed to.
She seized a calendar. ‘We just need to set a publication date. Before or after Christmas?’
‘Well … um … how about actually on Christmas Day? A gift to my readers.’
‘People don’t publish on Christmas Day.’
‘Even better.’
She beamed. ‘And I want to put it up for pre-order, so quick as you can.’
‘OK,’ I said, resolving to google Interesting Things That Have Happened on Christmas Day as soon as I got back to Turkey.
Writing the beginning and middle of the story turned out to be easy but I had terrible trouble with the ending. The reason Max, Peterson, Markham and Guthrie got away with … the thing they got away with. No spoilers for those who haven’t read it yet.
I was beginning to panic when, having done a deep dive into the history of the time and come up with nothing, I moved forwards. Just a little. One name caught my eye. The splendid Laurentia Henegouwen. There were various spellings but that was the one I went with in the end. Which led me in the right direction to a successful conclusion. I haven’t forgotten Laurentia Henegouwen, however, and definitely have plans for her future. Don’t watch this space because it could take years for something to manifest itself.
Anyway, despite the whinging, I had a great time with this story. I think this was when Markham began to take shape. Originally, I wanted to call it Don’t Eat Yellow Snow, but I was out with a couple of friends and they suggested When a Child is Born. Which is probably a bit more upmarket and I allowed myself to be persuaded. On the other hand, I did go on to write the very short story – Markham and the Anal Probing – which just goes to show what happens when I’m left to my own devices. And I do keep threatening my editor with The Anals of History.
Enjoy …
Enjoy an extract from When A Child Is Born read by Jodi Taylor.
It's Christmas Day 1066 and a team from St Mary's is going to witness the coronation of William the Conqueror. Or so they think... However, History seems to have different plans for them and when Max finds herself delivering a child in a peasant's hut, she can't help wondering what History is up to.
Enjoy this extract from When A Child Is Born read by bestselling author Jodi Taylor. Available in Kindle and audiobook formats and included in the short story anthology The Long and Short of It.
History and Happenings - click here to view more posts
The Disruption of William the Conqueror’s Coronation on Christmas Day 1066
In When a Child is Born by Jodi Taylor, Max and the team from St Mary’s travel back to 1066 to witness the disruption of William the Conquerer's coronation. In this History Briefing, we explore the political circumstances that caused this.
The coronation of William the Conqueror on Christmas Day in 1066 was a moment of historic significance, marking the establishment of Norman rule in England. However, this grand event, held in Westminster Abbey, was overshadowed by confusion and panic, highlighting the tensions of a kingdom undergoing profound change. The disruption, sparked by a misunderstanding, serves as a reminder of the fragile state of Anglo-Norman relations in the immediate aftermath of the Norman Conquest.
Enjoy a joke from the Silly Sunday thread from the Facebook Fans and Readers group.
Thanks to Stacey Walker for this one…
I went to a really bad zoo. Only had one animal - it was a shih tzu.
The nail-bitingly tense, rib-crackingly funny new TIME POLICE mission from the million-copy bestselling author of THE CHRONICLES OF ST MARY'S.
The Time Police are accustomed to jumping to the past. This time, however, the past has come to them.
What connects a dead dinosaur with Romulus the founder of Rome, a shocking cover-up at TPHQ and a plot to murder the Princes in the Tower?
The Time Police are determined to find out, helped - and occasionally hindered - by a wayward member of St Mary's and a recently reunited Team 236. Each in their own unique way, obviously.
As if all that wasn't enough - something somewhere in the Timeline is wrong. Very, very wrong. What is the Time Map trying to tell them?
Can the Time Police find the answers before Time runs out?
The current Jodi Taylor website will be closing on December 31st. Jodi will continue to write on her Substack blog and send the weekly Friday email.
Karin Mallion who runs Jodiworld will be launching a new merchandise site next year before the Jodiworld Convention. I'll be working closely with Karin to help her develop the new site and we will transfer over any pre-orders for Bad Moon. Please don't hesitate to email me if you have any questions on hazel@rushford.ltd. Many thanks, Hazel
The Reading Companion and History Briefings eBook for Just One Damned Thing After Another. The eBook is 99p or FREE for subscribers.
It contains:
A foreword by Jodi Taylor
Background information on the characters
History Briefings giving information on the four main jumps in the book
Floor plans of St Mary’s Institute for Historical Research
A list of British idioms and expressions
How to make tea like a Brit
A recipe for Toad in the Hole
A full series guide and reading order for The Chronicles of St Mary’s series
Available in both epub and PDF formats. You can also download full-size images of the floor plans.
Oh my goodness, did you see the info about the will from the 1500s that was found to have a reference to the princes in the tower? They found a reference from the Capell family to the chain of office of King Edward V being handed down. The kicker is the woman was sister-in-law to James Tyrell, the prime suspect!!!! (Sourced from “Princes in the Tower: a damning discovery”)
You always make laugh out loud! I have learn the teeth trick late in life and sometimes I fail opening a package as well. I hate when I open my M&Ms they quite often go flying everywhere and the “5 second rule” cannot be applied because it takes me so long to get up from my recliner and getting down on my knees to pick the errant pieces of M&Ms.