Hinchcliffe and Bill

A David Sands Competition story by Elaine Perkins

Aug 28, 2025

An entry in The Sands of Time Writing Competition

Hinchcliffe and Bill by Elaine Perkins

It was a Wednesday and things were quiet in the small room that was the office/workspace of Hinchcliffe and Bill Ltd.

Anderton Thordan Beta Hinchcliffe was short, stocky and basically humanoid. A bit scruffy but a people person. He liked people and people liked him. He got most of the work. Bill, on the other hand, was tall, genderless with striking green eyes, purple fur and a prehensile tail that worked as a third hand. Bill didn't really get on with people but was a better engineer and could fix just about anything. Hinchcliffe didn't know if Bill had any other names, they were always just, Bill.

They went from space dock to space port, where ever the work was. The sign outside said it all. "Repairs, odd jobs and workers for hire. From a Toaster to a Star Liner, we fix anything."

Work had been slow for a while now and they were thinking of moving on.

Bill was curled up asleep in a corner when the door opened. A greasy looking man walked in, "Obviously, an engineer," thought Hinchcliffe. "Maybe, a medium size freighter. Anything would be good right now."

"What can we do for you on this lovely evening"said Hinchcliffe, with a smile.

"I'm Third Engineer on a .....well known Cruiser and I'm going to be in deep sh.... trouble with the Chief, if I don't get the auxiliary manifold working by tonight." was the reply from the shifty looking man. "Cranford's the name. I shoulda had this job finished two weeks ago, but it just slipped my mind. Now, the usual company that does all our work ain't got anyone spare and I'm desperate. You know how it is" He was pleading and that was music to Hincecliffe's ear. Desperate and quick meant big money. "No problem, we can get that done in no time. Let us in at a side airlock and your Chief will be none the wiser."

Later that evening, Hinchcliffe and Bill arrived at Dock Seventeen. They had been expecting big, but this was something else. A Galaxy Class Star Cruiser. Only the super rich could afford to travel in this much style. Sleek, elegant and expensive, very expensive.

"Wow, will you look at this" said Hinchcliffe, his eyes lighting up, "We should have charged more".

Bill was less impressed. Wealthy people were just too demanding, too much trouble, as far as they were concerned. "Let us get this job finished and be gone before we are seen. Look, I presume that is our entrance"

Cranford was waving at them, looking like he was trying to get their attention and not be seen at the same time. Bill pulled a face and said " I do not like him and I do not trust him. Shifty, if you ask me." Cranford pulled them in and hurried them down a long dark corridor. "Through that door on the end. Get the job finished double quick and you'll get a free meal, each. As a bonus, like" His attempt at a friendly smile did nothing to reassure Bill.

The job was surprisingly simple. Realign a couple of the manifold coils and replace one that was split. Bill was worried. "Why could he not have done this job himself?" "I don't care." Hinchcliffe laughed "Simple, quick and well paid . I only wish more of our jobs were like this. You worry too much, Bill. Relax, we'll get fed soon. Good grub on these posh ships. Even for the crew." He leaned back and stretched. Yes, life was getting better. They could afford to go to a bigger Space Port after this job. More work, richer clients, better money. Things were looking up.

They had to eat where they were, sitting on the floor by the manifold. Cranford said it was better if they stayed there, out of sight, but the food was good and piled high on the plate.

Cranford brought in a couple of coffees for them and told them to stay low for a few hours. "Wait 'til the shift change for the night and day crew. You can slip off then an' no one will be any the wiser, like. Don't worry, I'll come an' get you when it's time." He left, with that overly friendly smile which made Bill wince. With nothing else to do, they both settled down and were asleep within minutes.

After what seemed like no time at all, they were roughly woken by Cranford. He was furious "What are you still doing here. you shouldha got off hours ago. We've left the dock now" Hinchcliffe rubbed his eyes, not sure what was going on. "What, wait, you said you'd come and wake us before the ship left" Cranford looked shocked" Nah, you're not goin' to put this on me. I told ya to get off when the shift changed. I ain't got time to be runnin' around after you, I had work to do." Bill stood, leaning over the oily little man. "I am sure we can sort this out. Take us to the Captain. We will explain what happened and they can let us off at the first suitable place we stop at" Cranford looked scared. "Oh, no, that'll get me in trouble for not getting the job done proper, like. And the Captain hates stowaways. She nearly spaced the last one she caught. Shut up and let me think" Hinchcliffe moved over to Bill and whispered. "Leave this to me." He smiled and said "Cranford, I think I have a solution that will work for all of us" Cranford's eyes narrowed "Waddaya mean?" His voice thick with suspicion. Hinchcliffe placed a friendly arm round the little man's shoulders and eased him to one side. "Now, this might not be completely above board, so to speak. It just needs a little bit of slight of hand, on your part." Cranford looked darkly "What do I have to do. how illegal are we talkin'? I can't get ya a cabin or nuffin." Hincecliffe raised his hands, "No, no, nothing like that. Just get us on the crew listing. Any job, we're not fussy and can do most things" Cranford's brow furrowed, this was obviously quantum thinking on his part. "So, what ya want? Just room and some grub 'til we come to the next space dock?" "Next suitable space dock, not just any old junk yard." said Bill, ever the wary one.

"Yah, alright, a decent place, but ya can't complain about what ya do, and ya'll have to share a room, it ain't goin' to be big." Cranford seemed to have decided that this was the only solution to their joint problem.

Later that day Cranford returned with some crew overalls and hats. He led them down some dingy corridors to a very small room with bunk beds. "It's lucky I curl up to sleep" said Bill with a grimace. Hinchcliffe pushed past him saying " That's one advantage to being a short arse" Bill turned to Cranford "Is this the best you can do? I have seen broom closets that are bigger than this" Cranford just shrugged, handed them a work rota and left.

The next two weeks dragged by. The work wasn't hard, but it was mainly early in the morning or late at night. Times when they wouldn't get noticed by other crew members and it always seemed to involve some sort of mess. It felt like they both had cleaned up every stain, spill or overflow in the entire ship.

One evening, they were sitting in a quiet corner of the crew mess hall eating breakfast. (Your day always started with breakfast, didn't matter what time it actually was.) Bill leaned forward and said "I feel like a ships rat. I have had to force myself through the tiniest of holes, squeeze behind walls and even crawl under a floor to deal with all of these leaks." Hinchcliffe looked up from his plate and said " Yeah, but at least, those leaks have been clean water. You don't want to think about some of the stuff I've had to clean up. The smell is unbearable and the yesterday this gunk stained my hands blue. Yes, I was wearing those rubber gloves we got issued with and no, it won't wash off." Bill looked and was intrigued by the colour of his friends hands. Bright blue, quite pretty really, but they keep that observation to themself. Bill finished their breakfast and went off to work.

Bills work rota indicated that there was a problem in corridor 12 B. The wiring in the wall seems to be shorting out. "Oh, what a surprise," thought Bill, "back behind a wall again. This entire ship seems to have a crawl space behind every wall" They removed a small section and squeezed inside. They could have removed the entire wall panel, but this was the quickest way. In and out in no time. They were nearly finished when they heard voices in one of the rooms off 12B. "That is strange, these rooms are not supposed to be occupied." Bill froze, silent and alert. Listening, their keen ears picking up the whispered voices. It was Cranford. Bill could recognise that oily whining voice anywhere. The other voice had an air of command about it, Cranford had just called him Sir. "Not the Captain" thought Bill, "that was a man's voice." Cranford was laughing "Those two new ones are so easy, They even suggested taking on crew work themselves! So stupid. I make them do all the filthy job and they're happy. I gave them the old stowaways being spaced line and they just fell for it. Idiots" The second voice rose, "Don't get cocky. You push them too far and they'll push back. Look, we've got twenty free workers. You just keep thinking about the 25% of their wages going into your pocket and shut it."

Cranford replied, his voice servile, but snivelling "Do you know how hard it is keeping them all hidden?" The second voice barked in reply "Keep your mouth shut and them out of sight. Do that and there'll be a nice little bonus waiting for you at the end of this trip. Now, get back to work." The door slid open and the sound of footsteps echoed down the empty corridor. "Get back to work." Cranford sneered as his boss disappeared."What does he know about real work, swanning about in his posh uniform. Never gets his hands dirty, does he?" He punched the wall near to where Bill was hiding and stormed off.

Bill waited a few more minutes until the corridor was quiet, then, carefully emerged form behind the panel. "What to do? Who can we trust? Who are the other eighteen workers who had been tricked and where were they?" So many questions swirled around Bill's brain. It was too much and Bill staggered against the wall, leaning hard to stop from falling. "I must find Hinchcliffe, he will know what to do." Nodding to themselves, they hurried on to their next job and waited for the mid shift break.

After what seemed like an eternity, it was time for the meal break. Bill walked quietly, carefully, to the mess hall. head down and cap pulled over their face, same as every day. Do not be seen, do not be noticed. "Where was Hinchcliffe?" Bill, normally so calm, was starting to panic. "Stop it" they scolded themselves, "This is not helping. Breathe. Look for our usual table, over there. See, he is already waiting." Bill collected their meal and sat down next to Hinchcliffe, who could tell immediately that something was wrong. Bill, normally so relaxed, no matter what how bad the situation, was looking tense, nervous, even frightened. Hinchcliffe had never seen them like this. He instantly became worried. "Had they been caught? Were they going to be dragged to the Captains' office and spaced?" Leaning closer to Bill, he whispered "What's happened? It's bad, isn't it? Will we have to fight our way out?" The thought of fighting their way out of a Galaxy Class Cruiser actually made Bill smile. "No, it has not come to that yet." Bill then proceeded to tell Hinchcliffe everything they had overheard. Hinchcliffe listened, head down, eating his meal as if nothing was wrong. "Don't let anyone see there was a problem, we don't know who to trust" he whispered. Finally, he lifted his head and said "Interesting. See you later, after shift, we can talk some more" With a smile and a nod, he left the Mess Hall leaving Bill feeling slightly more hopeful.

The next shift dragged, but at least Bill only had to clean the lower deck corridors, no more crawl spaces for the rest of the day. Finally, they could finish and go back to their room. Hinchcliffe was already there, waiting with a coffee. He let Bill wind down before he started questioning them about everything they had heard earlier. "So, you heard Cranford and someone else talking, saying there is twenty other stowaways on board" "Not stowaways" Bill whispered furiously "Victims! Kidnapped slaves! Exploited workers!" Hinchcliffe looked at Bill "Yes, we'll deal with workers rights after we find them and sort this out. Now, we need to know who the other person was. Not the Captain, obviously, because you said it was a man's voice. Someone high up in command but there's too many to choose from. We need to narrow it down. I'm sorry to say this but you are going to have to go back into the crawl spaces again, my old friend." Bill pulled a face, but agreed "At least, this time I will be doing something worth while. Anything to stop this exploitation racket."

The next day Bill looked for any job that involved going into crawl spaces. Hinchcliffe wandered the Lower Deck and Crew corridors, looking like he was cleaning, but they were both listening, trying to overhear any conversation, hoping it might bring them answers. Hinchcliffe was scrubbing a particularly stubborn stain near his own cabin when he heard raised voices. No one was in view. It was coming from another crew room. Hinchcliffe edged nearer, while trying to look engrossed in the mark on the floor. Two voices, one male, one female. The man was trying to calm the woman, who was not happy. She didn't seem to care if anyone heard them. " No," she shouted, "you said only he would be involved. You never said he had his family with him. He's got a kid!" The man continued to try and soothe her. "It'll be fine, we'll put the wife and kid in the bedroom. They'll be safe outta the way. Just Mr. 'I'm a Trillionaire and can do what I want' Ramsay. Keep thinking about him."

She calmed down "Fine, just him. You've got the vids to convince him?" "And something else, if that doesn't work" was the grim reply. "Don't worry, two more days and it'll be all over, just trust me."

Hinchcliffe didn't wait around to hear more of the conversation, he'd heard enough. This was huge, not what he had been hoping for, but a hostage, a trillionaire hostage. Those two must want money and seemed happy to do anything if Ramsay resisted.

Going back to their room at the end of shift, he found Bill waiting, trying to stretch out some of their aches. "Have you found out anything" they said "I have got nothing apart from what Chef puts into the stew. I told you not to eat it. Stew should not be that colour." Bill looked up at his friend, they saw immediately that something was wrong. "What have you heard? It is more slaves, I knew it. The entire lower deck, I would not be surprised." Hinchcliffe fell heavily onto his bed. "Yes, I heard something, no, not more kidnap victims. Something worse, well, just as bad " Bill sighed "Nothing would surprise me, these Super Cruise Ships are just full of criminals. Proper ones as well, real criminals doing dreadful things, not just the respectable ones exploiting people." Hinchcliffe agreed with his friend, which seemed to shock him rather than assure him. "I was cleaning the floor just two doors down and I heard a couple arguing about taking some squillionaire hostage. Threatening him, if he doesn't do what they wanted. They sounded dead serious." Bill was stunned, they sat next to Hinchcliffe, "Are you sure? Really taking someone hostage, not just joking? Which trillionaire, by the way? There are quite a few on a ship this size." Hinchcliffe closed his eyes and concentrated, trying to remember the name. " R- R- Ru- Ran- Ram.." He frowned, what was it? "Ramsay! That was it. He's here with his wife and kid." Bill reached over picking up their data pad. "Give me two ticks of a lambs tail and I will find out which apartment Ramsay has and who it is that has the room two doors down. Then we can start to make a plan to deal with this."

Bill had worked through what was left of the night finding out all they could. The next shift, Hinchcliffe told Cranford that Bill was unwell and wouldn't be working. Cranford complained, but there wasn't really much he could do about it. "You get their work done as well, or I'll be seeing the Captain about you two." He put his hand round his throat and looked like he was choking to make the point. "Odious little tit," thought Hinchcliffe, but said nothing.

At the end of his shift, Hinchcliffe brought a meal for both of them to their cabin. Bill had been busy. They had worked out when the best time for the attack to take place. "21.00 hours is when the day and night shift of ships security swaps over. There is a 5 minute window when no one is guarding the Ramsay's corridor. That is when I would do it, if I was criminally minded." They continued, between mouthfuls of rice. "It is very strange, I cannot find out anything about our nefarious neighbours, other than their names and home planet. They do not actually seem to be real criminals at all." Hinchcliffe pulled a face, "Well, they sounded like real criminals, so don't let your guard down."

They went through the plan one more time. Bill was to follow the woman, Phillidor Twelve, while Hinchcliffe tailed Treen Breen. Keeping them in sight all evening, if necessary. When they got near to the Ramsays suite, Bill would slid into the crawl space and enter the apartment without being seen. Hinchcliffe would stay with Philidor and follow her in, somehow. That part needed some work, but they didn't have time to come up with anything better.

At 20.00 hours, they both cautiously left their room, Hinchcliffe dressed in civis rather than his overall. Bill wore theirs in-case anyone saw them opening a wall panel. No one noticed lower deck workers in that uniform. "I am just completely invisible as soon as I put that hideous item of clothing on." Bill complained, but was at least thankful on this occasion.

Philidor and Treen left their room shortly after 20.30 hours. Treen in civis and Philidor in a Steward's uniform. "Clever" thought Hinchcliffe. "Everyone trusts a Steward, they can get into any room without question."

At 21.00 hours, everyone was in place. Philidor approached the Ramsay's apartment on corridor A1. The flooring was soft and thick. Everything screamed obscene wealth and privilege. She knocked and called out "Room service, Sir." The bulky private security officer leered down at her and then toppled over, with a look of surprise on his face. He hadn't expected a Ships Steward to have a taser. She pushed her way in, leaving the door open for Treen to follow. Amazingly, Hinchcliffe had the stroke of luck that he needed. Treen hadn't closed the door completely. In his haste to get in, he hadn't noticed the guards foot stopping the door from sliding shut. Hinchcliffe moved in silently, closing the door behind him and waited, out of sight. It didn't take long for the shouting to start, angry voices barking instructions. Ramsay shouting back. He wasn't used to being ordered around and it took a blow to the side of his head before he finally sat down and allowed himself to be tied to a chair. His wife and child, tearful and frightened were forced into the bedroom. Philidor was as gentle as she could be but made sure they did what they were told.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Ramsay, still angry, if slightly dazed. "I know what you want. It's always money, You're not the first to try this and it always ends badly. For you. Give up now before you get hurt." Treen sneered at Ramsay. "You think you're so clever, you've got no clue. We don't want money. It's so much bigger than that. Now, shut up or....erm.... else!" It wasn't a great threat, but Treen couldn't think of anything better to say.

Philidor started a vid, which filled the whole wall. Images of a beautiful planet, forests, lakes, blue skies. An absolute paradise. Ramsay laughed. "At least you think big, I like that. O.K where is it, what's it got, beside trees?" Treen recounted the tale of a small planet, peaceful, uninhabited. Just insects and some small mammals. Little fluffy animals with floppy ears, large dark eyes and long back legs. They hopped around sniffing the air and eating grass. It looked as if someone had designed the word Cute. Then, someone discovered there were minerals on that planet. Minerals that scum like Ramsay wanted. So, he bought the planet and sent in the heavy equipment.

Ramsay didn't seem overly concerned. "You'll have to jog my memory. I've bought so many planets." Treens face contorted with rage. "You don't even remember. This was Ariel Four in the Alurian system. Look what you did to it!" Suddenly the screen showed trees being ripped up, whole forests burned. Death and destruction everywhere. Diggers cut huge swathes of land. Open cast mining at it's worst. Treen continued "Do you know what they were digging for? Something important, useful, you'd think, but no! It was for Rubillium, a crystal that is only used for jewellery. Trinkets for the super rich. You destroyed a planet just so you could boast that you had something rare." Ramsay didn't even look ashamed. Philidor had to hold Treen back to stop him from hitting Ramsay again. "Boo hoo. I tore down some trees, I killed a few bunnies. So what!" Ramsay didn't care as long as he got what he wanted.

Suddenly, the bedroom door shot open and a small girl cannonballed out, howling. Tears streaming down her face. "Nooo, not the hoppy bunnies! Not the bunniessss! Dadddiiee!!" She ran up to her father and held onto his legs, still screaming at the top of her voice. Which was surprisingly loud for such a small child.

Everyone froze, unsure what to do. Bill took the opportunity to slid the wall panel in the hall open and join Hinchcliffe. Bill looked shocked and a bit pleased. " Not terrorists then, but actual eco-warriors. Who would have believed it." Hinchcliffe looked conflicted. "What do we do? Let the eco lot escape or do we call security and risk the Captain finding us? We've got to admit Ramsay is complete scum who really does deserve everything he gets." Bill grimaced, "I do not really like either of those options. We need to think of a way out for everyone. One where no one gets hurt and if possible, where everyone is happy." Hinchcliffe leaned against the wall for a moment, his head down, eyes unfocused. Bill had seen this look before, usually just before he had a brilliant but dangerous idea. Head up, Hinchcliffe smiled, "Yes, I think this'll work. Just follow me and back me up. O.K?"

Hinchcliffe walked forward into the room, smiling with his hands held out. "Hello, let me introduce myself and my partner please- don't-shoot-us. We're Hinchcliffe and Bill, Odd jobbers and problem solvers, please-don't-shoot-us." Everyone turned to look, trying to work out what was going on. Bill stood slightly to the side with both hands and their tail above their head and added more reassurances. "I can see we have a bit of a situation here. Now, we are not going to take sides, we just want to help sort this all out with as little pain and bloodshed as possible." Treen turned, shouting "The Captain sent you, didn't she. Well, we're not giving up. You go tell her that" Ramsay joined in "You tell the Captain I never give in to pathetic money grubbing terrorists, even if they do pretend to be Eco ones. He threatened me!" Hinchcliffe raised his hands "Please, can we all just bring it down a notch. Thank you. Oh and I heard the threat. Or Else isn't really that bad, is it. Right, let me see. You, Treen want Ramsay to stop strip mining this planet. Correct?" A slight nod was the only reply. "And you, Ramsay want to keep strip mining the planet for gemstones, correct? "

"It's my bloody planet, I can do what I want with it" shouted Ramsay. Hinchcliffe sighed. "Right, let me make a suggestion that while it may not please both of you entirely, might at least be a compromise and move things forward. It's an imperfect universe after all."

"Get on with it." snarled Ramsay, my legs going to sleep here." "Mr. Ramsay, these gems, they are valuable because they are so rare. Only found on this one planet? " Ramsay smiled "Why do you think I bought the place, for the bunnies?" His daughter, Jasmine Apple, started to wail again, clinging onto her mother. Ramsay did at least look ashamed at this. Hinchcliffe continued. "If you announced that the planet had been entirely stripped of all of the gems, wouldn't that make the ones you have even more valuable?" Light dawned in Ramsay's eyes. "I like your thinking. Do you want to come and work for me?" Hinchcliffe shook his head " No, thanks. Now, if you also announced that you were going to restore the planet to it's original beauty, re-landscape the place and let nature take over again. That would make you look good to the eco warrior types and your daughter. Makes you a good guy, instead of a money grubbing nasty piece of...." His voice trailed off, don't spoil the deal at the last minute. Hinchcliffe thought to himself. "Ring fence the planet for say two hundred years. Let these two keep an eye on it to make sure you keep your word. Hell, you could even let them live there as caretakers. What do you think?" Bill moved forward. "It does sound like the best for both of you, please think about it."

The two parties looked at each other and then back to Hinchcliffe. To his immense relief, they both nodded.. He leaned back sighing. He really didn't think he was going to get away with that.

Ramsay was untied. He hugged his wife and child, who was so pleased that the hoppy bunnies would be safe. Then he made a call to organise the necessary documents to finish the deal. Jasmine Apple skipped around the room in the background singing "Bunny, bunny, bunnieeeesssses!"

Bill pulled Hinchcliffe to one side. "I think Mr. Ramsay might be in enough of a good mood to help us out. Scratching each others backs, as you say." Hinchcliffe went over the Ramsay. "Can I have a word? There is something I think you can help us with."

Hinchcliffe explained about their problem, the exploited stowaways, the Captains' threats, overhearing Cranford, everything." Ramsay agreed to help and called the Captain, asking her to come to his apartment. Bill sighed "Why did we not think of that?"

A few minutes later the Captain arrived with the Second in Command, a tall man, arrogant and unpleasant looking, rejoicing in the name of Bugges, He stepped forward, ingratiating himself to the Trillionaire. "How can we help you, Sir, I am sure we can sort out any little problem you have."

Bill froze to the spot. "Hinchcliffe" they hissed "That is him, that is the other voice I heard plotting with Cranford. I am sure of it." Ramsay took the Captain to one side and Hinchcliffe recounted the whole sorry tale. Bill kept an eye on Bugges to make sure he couldn't overhear what was being said. The Captain did not look at all shocked. "I knew something was going on with the lower decks crew. I just couldn't find any proof. Thank you. I will deal with them immediately."

Later that day, Hinchcliffe and Bill settled into their new bigger cabin. They had received a full apology and luxury accommodation until they arrived at the Space Port, as well as a very large payment from Mr. Ramsay for services rendered. "Well, I think that worked out rather well" said Hinchcliffe with a look of satisfaction on his face. "We can take a few weeks off and then set up a very nice office when we arrive. This next Port is so much fancier than the last. Better jobs, richer clients." He sighed happily. Bill just shook their head, Hinchcliffe was always thinking of the next deal. While they on the other hand, were just pleased to have got through this adventure with everything still attached. Smiling, they lay back on the bed, curled up and was asleep in moments. "Life was good, a nice meal, a soft bed and no one shouting at them. Hhhmmm. Bliss."

Hinchcliffe and Bill

A David Sands Competition story by Elaine Perkins

Hinchcliffe and Bill by Elaine Perkins

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