6. Time Police Writing Competition
Entry by Ricard Kelly
TIME POLICE REGULATION 847.6
Regulation 847.6.1: General Prohibition
No (further) officer, operative, historian, civilian, contractor, consultant, observer, enthusiast, or individual “just in the area anyway” shall attend, approach, observe, monitor, or otherwise interact with the Temporal Exclusion Area with coordinates [REDACTED], otherwise designated Jodiworld 2027, including any and all derivative, adjacent, overlapping, or retrospectively reconstructed iterations thereof or timeline forks resulting from Incident DMG-270528-601.
Entry into the TEA is prohibited under all circumstances, including curiosity, nostalgia, or attempts to “just grab something quickly.”
For the avoidance of doubt, this prohibition applies regardless of:
(a) personal interest in the subject matter;
(b) possession of valid tickets, passes, wristbands, or “special access lanyards”;
(c) assertions that “this time will be different.”
Regulation 847.6.2: Dodo-Related Justification Clause
This prohibition is enacted in direct response to the uncontrolled proliferation of Raphus cucullatus (dodos) during Incident DMG-270528-601, including but not limited to:
(a) The unauthorised importation of dodos from pre-extinction environments
(b) The subsequent ingestion of margaritas by said dodos
(c) The emergence of coordinated dodo social structures, factions, and governance systems
(d) The temporary but legally complicated declaration of dodo sovereignty within the convention hotel restaurant
(e) The continued presence of at least one dodo exhibiting a tendency to register for panel discussions
Any assertion that “the dodos have probably been sorted out by now” is formally classified as a Category 3 Misjudgement.
Regulation 847.6.3: Margarita-Related Justification Clause
The prohibition further reflects the demonstrated destabilising effects of margarita consumption within a multi-era convergence event, including:
(a) The exponential increase in margarita production beyond authorised limits
(b) The emergence of multiple, self-originating margarita stations across divergent timelines
(c) The interaction between tequila, citrus compounds, and temporally displaced fauna
(d) The creation of paradox loops involving lime wedges, [REDACTED], salt rims, and [REDACTED]
(e) The statistically significant correlation between margarita availability and the phrase “it’ll be fine”
All margaritas are henceforth classified as Temporal Risk Enhancers (Class B) when in proximity to unstable historical conditions.
Regulation 847.6.4: Escalation and Irreversibility Clause
Officers are reminded that Incident DMG-270528-601 escalated in a logically sequential and entirely preventable manner, as follows:
1. Attendance at Jodiworld 2027 by officers [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and [REDACTED] of the Historical Outreach and Public Engagement department
2. Introduction of “minor experiential enhancements”
3. Presence of margaritas
4. Discovery by contemporary “attendees” of unattended, operational Time Police pod
5. Subsequent presence of [REDACTED], dodos, and [REDACTED]
6. Interaction between dodos and margaritas
7. [REDACTED]
8. Emergence of organised dodo factions
9. [REDACTED]
10. Full narrative collapse
Regulation 847.6.5: Prohibited Rationalisations
The following statements are recognised as precursors to catastrophic failure and shall trigger immediate disciplinary action:
(a) “It’s only a convention.”
(b) “They’re just dodos.”
(c) “We’ll keep an eye on things.”
(d) “What’s the worst that could happen?”
(e) “It’ll be fine.”
Regulation 847.6.6: Enforcement and Penalties
Violation of Regulation 847.6 will result in:
1. Immediate extraction (if possible)
2. Assignment to extended paradox reconciliation duties
3. Mandatory viewing of Incident DMG-270528-601 debrief footage (unedited, including the singing)
Regulation 847.6.7: Prohibition on Mention of What Happened at Jodiworld 2027
What happened during Incident DMG-270528-601 is classified. What caused it is classified. How it escalated is classified. Why the [REDACTED] responded to the [REDACTED] in the manner that they did is [REDACTED] classified. Under no circumstances shall any individual attempt to convince an officer present at Jodiworld 2027 to describe, recount, allude to, summarise, joke about, or “casually mention over drinks” any events occurring at or associated with Incident DMG-270528-601.
This includes, but is not limited to:
(a) Formal reports
(b) Informal debriefs
(c) Written correspondence
(d) Anecdotal storytelling
(e) Marginal notes reading “you had to be there”
Regulation 847.6.8: Final Clarification
Under no circumstances shall any individual attempt to:
(a) “Fix what went wrong”
(b) “Just check whether the dodos are still there”
(c) Attend any panel, keynote, workshop, or spontaneously formed dodo council session
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