4. Time Police Writing Competition

Entry by Dorothy Plumb

INCIDENT REPORT #11573

TRAINEE FREDRICK SMITHERS

POD 8, UNAUTHRIZED OCCUPATION OF

TO: CAPT. RHONDA ETHERIDGE

FROM: SGT. MILLICENT SMOOT

REF.: PROPOSAL FOR REVISION OF REGULATION 847.6

REASON FOR PROPOSED REVISION: Regulation 847.6 has been breached. The relevant portion of Regulation 847.6 reads as follows: No Time Police employee shall allow any non-uniformed person to enter any ‘Pod’ without supervision.

PROPOSED REVISION: No Time Police employee, commissioned or otherwise, shall at any time, for any reason, send, lead, allow or otherwise permit any unauthorised person to enter a Time Police Pod. As you know, the definition of “unauthorised person” is extensively covered in Regulation 127.8, Sections a) through g), Sub-sections 10, 11, and 142 (revised).

INCIDENT SYNOPSIS:

According to Trainee Fredrick (Freddy) Smithers, he met Daphne (Daffy) Jefferson in a “singles bar” while off-duty, but still dressed in his Time Police uniform. Ms Jefferson expressed admiration for Smither’s appearance, and “one thing led to another.” Ms Jefferson “somehow” developed a belief that Smithers was your “favourite nephew.” She also inexplicably came to believe TP Pods were freely available for Smithers’ use at his discretion. Her admiration and her desire to see a “real Time Police Pod” were extreme, according to Smithers.

Smithers said a few days later, the unfortunate circumstances detailed in Incident Report # 11570 (Title: 16th CENTURY PEASANT RIOT, Subtitle PIG FAECES, THROWING OF) provided him an opportunity to fulfil Ms Jefferson’s wish. Pod 8, which had suffered in the melee, was, of necessity, undergoing disinfection and “airing out.” Smithers contacted Ms Jefferson. Upon her arrival at TPHQ, he drew her into a storage closet and helped her into one of our Maintenance jumpsuits, telling her he wanted her to enjoy an “immersive experience” dressed as a “real Time Police officer.”

Ms Jefferson was appreciative of Smithers’ efforts; she became even more appreciative when Smithers told her he was taking her on a “real Pod ride.” Ms Jefferson’s enthusiasm became somewhat vocal and very demonstrative. Smithers guided her to Pod 8, closed the door, and - despite Ms Jefferson’s initial reaction to the mixed smells of pine cleaner, ammonia, and pig faeces - began amorous activities, which then led Ms Jefferson to attempt to remove her jumpsuit. The suit, as you know, is constructed with a number of buckles, tabs, etc. Ms Jefferson, unfamiliar with the garment, struggled with its removal. Smithers’ offer to assist resulted in both persons leaning against the pod control panel. Smithers swears he has no idea which control(s) was/were pushed. Nonetheless, after several minutes in which his mind was otherwise occupied, he sensed “something had happened.”

Smithers took several extra moments to discourage Ms Jefferson’s efforts, sartorial and otherwise. He then cautiously opened the Pod door and took in his surroundings. When asked why he didn’t activate the outside observation cameras, Smithers replied that he didn’t know how. He could only operate the door because of its large red button marked “Open/Close Door.” Smithers, upon peering about, was encouraged to see the Pod had evidently not travelled in time; it had, however, definitely relocated to the severely sloping roof of what he would later learn was Uncle Temo’s Ravioli and Taco Emporium.

Ms Jefferson, under the impression she was experiencing the promised “ride”, slipped exuberantly past Smithers and immediately tumbled from the Pod, slid down the Emporium roof, and disappeared over the edge. Smithers’ attempt to grab Ms Jefferson as she hurtled past resulted in his loss of balance and a slide down the same roof. He landed in the Emporium’s “skip” atop Ms Jefferson and was immediately covered by a steaming pile of what was later identified as sauce-covered lasagna tacos. Strong words ensued, most spoken by Ms Jefferson. Ms Jefferson then “whacked” Smithers with a, fortunately, empty tomato paste can, leaving him stunned. When he regained his senses, Ms Jefferson was gone. Recovery Team 18 located Smithers, who was attempting to climb from the skip. Both he and Pod 18 were returned to HQ without further incident.

As you know, Ms Jefferson was waiting in your office when Team 18 escorted Smithers into the building. As you also know, she expressed her desire to lodge complaints against the Time Police, Trainee Smithers; you, the maintenance suit manufacturer; and Uncle Temo’s Ravioli and Taco Emporium. A list of her TP-pertinent allegations has been provided to our legal team. Ms Jefferson and Smithers were both interviewed. Part of Ms Jefferson’s interview is transcribed below:

INTERVIEWER: “We have been discussing yesterday’s incident involving yourself and Trainee Fredrick Smithers. Can you briefly tell me what happened?”

JEFFERSON: “That (expletive deleted) sorry excuse for an (expletive deleted) told me (expletive deleted) he could take me on ‘the ride of my life’ inside one of his personal (expletive deleted) Pods. I thought I was going to see Marie Antoinette. All I saw was the inside of a skip behind a (expletive deleted) sleezy Italian restaurant! “

The rest of Ms Jefferson’s interview proceeded along similar lines. A full transcription will be provided by End of Watch today.

The only portion of Smither’s interview not already documented above is as follows:

INTERVIEWER: “ What led you to think you could bring a civilian into a Pod at Time Police Headquarters? You know Regulation 847.6 specifically forbids such actions.”

SMITHERS: “ No, it doesn’t. I read it, and it says ‘non-uniformed person’ who is ‘without supervision.’ I made sure Daffy was wearing a uniform, and I was supervising her the whole time.”

A full transcription of Trainee Smithers’ interview will be provided by End of Watch today.

Submitted for your approval

EC: Time Police Legal Attache

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