25. ST MARY’S INSTITUTE OF HISTORICAL RESEARCH INCIDENT REPORT
Competition entry by Maureen Huston
THE BLASTED WIG
Incident Report/St. Mary’s IOHR
Who: Me, I mean, Addy (ok, Adele, but, really?) O’Neill. And oh yeah, I’m an intern and no one told me how to write this. Just saying.
What: Here’s the thing. I asked to intern because I was hoping to learn about America. I have family there. Haven’t heard from them in a while but was hoping…never mind. Had a hard time convincing St. Mary’s that it was worth letting me intern, but I am smart (you know my test scores, right?) and Thirsk really pushed it hard (still can’t figure that out, but ok). Right, so, to the point. I kept hoping I could go on a jump to America but then found out they put the kibosh on that. I guess they thought it was for obvious reasons but it’s a mystery to me, and you know, I’d like to see Chicago where my cousin Fred lives, these Great Lakes, and something about deep dish pizza…ok, ok. So, one night, at a social gathering at the pub (wink, wink), I suggested that maybe we could go to the Court of King George III when His Majesty was receiving John Adams as the first U.S. Minister from America. You know, sort of can’t go to America but maybe see America come here. I mean, c’mon, who wouldn’t want to be a fly on that court wall!? And viola! They agreed! This would be so cool! Turns out not so much, in more ways than one.
Where: The Court of King George III (like I said). Oh, wait, they said it was called something else, the Levee Room. Let me tell you that was no fun, waiting. The blokes in there really gave poor Mr. Adams the brushoff. He was sweating a bit, too, but I am sure for different reasons than me (bloody wool costume). I mean, this is one of the fellas that wrote that Declaration of Independence. I’d be sweating, too, if I’d said all those things about His Majesty and now I gotta stand in front of him.
When: It were Wednesday, on June 1, 1785, which is about two years after the Treaty of Paris was signed. The one that recognized America as an independent nation (hey, I have family there, I researched). I remember it was raining, and humid as hel – er, heck, which is probably why that wool get-up loaded me down.
How: Ok, I guess this is where I need to talk about the mission and what happened. But, so, like I am not going to say “what went wrong” because you know, this was so not my fault. No one told me how hot that damn page costume would be (though I am surprised I pulled off looking like a bloke so well). Or that bloody wig – itched right horrible! We were in the ante room next to the King’s private chamber doing pretty well at staying under the radar. We were lucky and got a spot right where we could see in the private chamber when Mr. Adams went in and out. That’s about as good as we were going to get. It was cool to watch his face when he went in, I could swear I saw him swallow several times. I wondered what he would look like coming out. I mean, everyone said it all went well, but I really wanted to see his face! So, we were waiting – it was a good thing I was stuck behind the team up against the wall because I was able to stay kind of hidden, but I could still see over their shoulders. Really, I don’t think anyone paid much attention to us. All those fancy gentlemen wanted to see Mr. Adams, and give him a what-for, though, you know, in silence. Rude, really. And then someone reached down to scratch a foot or something and that is when the usher saw me. He pointed right at me then curled his finger to signal me over. I had no choice but to go! Seriously! Maybe a page costume wasn’t the best idea, I dunno. Or maybe people should just stand still. But this was not my fault. I guess I could have waited out in the corridor with our illustrious team lead. I still would have been able to see John Adams, I think. I mean, now I wish I had. Because the next thing I know the usher leaned into me and whispered that I must go to the kitchens and retrieve a pitcher of wine for the gentlemen. And then he proceeded to firmly direct me out in the corridor! Where I took a few steps out of his sight and stopped. Cause, like, I didn’t know where the kitchen was! Thank God someone took pity on me and whispered where to go. I mean, maybe it was a little cool to be able to walk around St. James a little, but I could feel someone’s evil eye on me so I went to get what I needed and quickly headed back to the ante room. I was feeling proper stressed out now and the sweat was rolling down my face by the time I got back. I could barely see the door – thank the heavens it was open, I mean, a little breeze was better than nothing – and I started in, but then sweat dripped right out from under that blasted wig directly into my eyes and I couldn’t see nothing! Later, I was told my timing couldn’t have been worse, as it was just when Mr. Adams was coming back from meeting the King. And he was walking backwards! Some ancient ridiculous protocol no one told me about! I couldn’t see him at all cause of the bloody sweat. If that security bloke, who I guess was stationed at the door looking for me, hadn’t grabbed my coat, I would have run right into Mr. Adams’ backside! I will say that at least I didn’t spill the wine and I should get some credit for that. Crisis averted.
I get the feeling that the illustrious team lead will edit this before it goes to the big boss, but I wanted to get all the details I remember down in writing. I also am figuring they may re-think the whole intern idea. I respectfully request a second chance.
Adele (Addy) O’Neil
Intern (maybe the one and only)
St. Mary’s Institute of Historical Research
CLICK HERE for information on how to enter the competition.
 | A guest post by
|