18. ST MARY’S INSTITUTE OF HISTORICAL RESEARCH INCIDENT REPORT

Competition entry by John Langley

Incident Report

To: Director, St Mary’s Institute for Historical Research

Filed by: Mrs Elspeth Tapp, History Department (on secondment from Catering)

Date of Filing: 20th March 2026

Mission Reference: SM-1666-IN-2

Mission Briefing

A simple observational jump to Woolsthorpe Manor, Lincolnshire 1666 was planned. Our primary goal was to establish surveillance on the household of the young Isaac Newton in order to discover something of his methods and habits. This was something of an annus mirabilis for Isaac - a forced retreat home from Cambridge because of the Plague had allowed him the freedom to explore his big ideas: in particular optics, the calculus, and the law of gravitation.

We had a secondary, less formal objective: could we witness and record The Apple Incident? If Isaac really was inspired by the fall of an apple, could we research this in contemporary time? Accordingly we planned a jump to the autumn of 1666, hoping to land a pod close to the orchard at Woolsthorpe.

My presence on the mission was two-fold: my background in catering might allow casual employment in the Manor kitchen as cover, plus I was considering a career change to the History Department.

For this, my first jump, I was to be accompanied by Dr Hamish McJohn from History.

Jump and Arrival

I’d been kitted out by Wardrobe as a scullery maid of the time. It wasn’t anticipated that Dr McJohn would leave the pod, so he was left to his own sartorial choices - as usual, (apart from his kilt and tartan on Burns Night and Hogmanay) this was a sweater and jeans.

With the coordinates laid in, we checked our stores and equipment. At the last moment, Hamish noticed we had only a few teabags - not enough for our proposed 3-day stake-out.

“I’ll just pop and get some, Ellie,” he said, stepping out of the pod. “Just don’t tell the computer to initiate the jump without me!” he joked.

At that moment, the computer bleeped, closed the pod doors on Hamish’s astonished figure and said “Jump initiated.”

I just had time to shout “Get back!” and see on the view-screen that Hamish had leaped a safe distance away from the pod.

The world went white.

This was not my fault, Director. I would recommend that adequate tea supplies be part of Technical’s standard checklist in future, and that the pod’s voice recognition systems be updated and retrained to better handle Scottish and other regional dialects.

Since I had set the coordinates myself with only a minimum of training and supervision I wasn’t completely confident as to how my landing would turn out. But in fact, with only a couple of minor thumps the pod materialised successfully.

The view-screen showed apple trees, and a large stone-built Manor House not too far beyond them. From present day photos at the Mission Briefing I identified this as Woolsthorpe Manor.

Deployment

Sensors in the pod indicated the date was right too, I was bang on target. There’d be no problem getting back to St Mary’s - I’d just have to set the stored coordinates and jump back. I was a little worried about the defective computer - if I left the pod, could it jump back without me? The best thing to do would be to abort the mission and return immediately.

I decided to continue the mission but to proceed with caution. I think this shows initiative and an awareness of the investment cost of every mission.

It was early morning on a pleasant autumn day. To fortify myself, I popped the kettle on and checked the tea caddy. There weren’t many teabags, but enough for just me. As I prepared to leave, I put the tea caddy just inside the door. This would prevent the door closing fully and ensure the pod would be unable to jump. I believe this shows initiative and an understanding of our health and safety directives.

Outside the pod I paused for a few minutes to record the scene. I walked up through the orchard to the kitchen door and knocked tentatively. After some bustling and mild cursing, I was greeted by what I believe was Hannah, Isaac’s mother, to judge from her clothing and manner. Behind her, peering from a doorway, was a gangly long-haired young man with a preoccupied air, squinting through a glass prism. Isaac himself.

“Aye?” she said.

I gulped and blurted something about looking for work. She didn’t look impressed at all.

“Now then, lass,” Hannah said, “thou’d best be looking elsewhere.” She ran a small household and had little need of extra staff, I realised. I’d have done better to try for a job to watch her sheep.

The Incident

I looked again at Isaac and realised he was unexpectedly holding something else on a thread - a pyramid-shaped teabag! He was muttering something about “refractive index” and looking bemused. Horrible thoughts about History went through my head. I had to avoid a Paradox at all costs. I quickly pushed past Hannah, grabbed the teabag from Isaac, and rushed back down the path as fast as I could.

Behind me, Isaac - evidently no great sprinter - tried to catch me. He wanted to have a good look at that squishy prism-shaped object!

I was looking back to see how close he was. I thought I should just make it to the pod and from there I could think what to do next. The door would still be open, so I could get aboard quickly. But looking back while running is something they tell us about in training. Don’t do it!

I ran into a tree with a bang that knocked the wind out of me. Struggling to the pod door, I risked another look and saw Isaac arrive at the same tree. An apple dropped with a soft thump at his feet. A dreamy look came into his eyes and he stopped… looked up, then looked back down at the apple and picked it up. He sat down on a log, obviously thinking hard, with all ideas of me gone from his head.

At the pod door, the tea caddy was open and some of my teabags were gone. Some magpies in a nearby tree looked very shifty.

I quickly got aboard, removed the tea caddy from the entrance and shouted “Door!”.

Extraction

From the view-screen I could see Isaac, still thoughtfully weighing the apple in his hands, walking slowly back to the house. Just about then, the Lincolnshire rain started to fall. I reckoned no teabags could survive that and I made my mind up. I’d end the mission there - no Pod Plod, no waiting around for my luck to run out. I successfully initiated the jump back to St Mary’s.

Assessment

Subject to review of the footage from my scullery maid’s cap camera and the pod’s own scanners, I believe we can account the mission at least a partial success, having witnessed and recorded Isaac Newton and the Apple Incident.

As to my own inadvertent role in causing an apple to fall, and potentially polluting the timeline with anachronistic groceries - I understand the gravity of the situation, but I do maintain it really wasn’t my fault.

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