11. Time Police Writing Competition

Entry by Anna Scutt

Regulation 847.6

Officers are prohibited from operating any historical technology without having attained either Certificate 847.6/OHT-B, Certificate 847.6/OHT-H or Certificate 847.6/OHT-A

Technology which may be accessed is dependent on level of certification held:

Basic Certificate (Modules 1 to 15) Mandatory for all officers and trainees.

Higher Certificate (Modules 16 to 23) Optional. Available to all on completion of Basic Cert.

Advanced Certificate (Modules 24-30) Available to senior personal only.

Pass Mark 100%

Background to the Implementation of the above Regulation

Team 307 was dispatched to investigate the so-called Millennium Bug.

Officer Hemingway, who stated on his application to the Time Police that he holds an MSc in Computer Science, admits to saying the words ‘Look, it’s running something called Microsoft Works. They wouldn’t call it that if it didn’t, would they?’ He claims not to know how he managed to programme what should have been a civilian computer to government-level access.

Escalation of Incident

1. The Millennium Bug had originally caused issues with nursery-school enrolment invitations to all persons aged 104 and over. Following Officer Hemingway’s interference, these invitations became mandatory enrolment notices. No exceptions were tolerated.

2. No enrolment of 4-year-olds was permitted. An entire generation of children went uneducated, while Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother attended the ‘Little Petals’ playgroup in Windsor.

3. Mrs Trellis of North Wales received a £35,000 fine from her local Blockbuster for renting ‘Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia’ for 100 years.

4. John Smith of Tunbridge Wells discovered he could not access his bank account as records showed he had not been born yet. He was only the first.

5. Cash registers ceased to function leading to widespread and effectively store- sanctioned shoplifting.

6. ATMs refused to dispense cash. Credit and debit cards were routinely declined.

7. Computers locked their users out, meaning no one could put any of this mess right.

8. Transport network ceased to function.

9. Total economic and societal collapse.

10. Officer Hemingway discovered that the educational establishment from which he received his degree in computer science never existed, hence his complete and utter firetrucking incompetence.

Containment, Control and Reset of the Millenium Bug

Officer Hemingway’s complete and utter firetrucking incompetence necessitated the secondment to TPHQ of the entire IT Department of St Mary’s Institute for six months. Officer Hemingway is on report and should count himself lucky that Dr Maxwell does not work for the IT Department, and her presence at TPHQ was not, therefore, required. Otherwise, he would be lucky not to be looking at summary dismissal.

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