• Jodi writing about her recent trip to France and The Great Recovery Job

• Jodi Taylor answers - Do you plan character arcs in advance or do they evolve as you write?

• Win a SIGNED hardback and one-of-a-kind signed print when you pre-order A Family Affair by Jodi Taylor

• Bad Moon is a Kindle 99p/99c deal for June

• JUNE - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION

• Short Story of the Month: A Perfect Storm

  There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.

Well, I’m back. I know I’m in England because today is cool, grey and very wet. I feel rather responsible, actually – I spent most of my trip suffering temperatures of 34 and 35 degrees and telling everyone that I was English and never happy unless I was being rained on. And now look at the weather.

Many thanks to everyone who sent me their best wishes – the festival was everything people had told me it would be. Knights practising their swordplay – they offered me a go and I would have loved, legitimately, to be able to lay about me with a dangerous weapon, but sadly I had to go off to a panel and talk sensibly. There were books and authors everywhere – the authors were wonderfully friendly and didn’t seem to mind me massacring their language, and I absolutely adored the book covers – full of movement and colour. I particularly liked that they print an image on the edge of the pages as well. Loads of people were in costume – including a man with horns and wearing a thick fur coat. I think he was a character from a favourite French fantasy novel but he must have been baking.

And then, just as I think everyone was on the verge of heatstroke, the heavens, literally, opened. The rain came down in buckets. Of course, you couldn’t hear yourself speak in the tent. The ground was so hard that it couldn’t absorb the water and there were lakes everywhere. People were being rescued.

And just to lower the tone of the piece – and probably not that important in the scheme of things – but I managed to have cheese with every meal. Every restaurant had a different cheeseboard and trust me, I sampled every single one of them. All the food was good – authentic Quiche Lorraine was my favourite. As Hazel said, ‘Nothing like the omelette in a pastry case we get in England.’ And French chocolate isn’t bad, either.

Most gobsmackingly – I’m not sure that’s a word but it is now – I was astounded at the number of people who recognised me and were familiar with the books. Nearly everyone began the conversation with, ‘I read your first book, loved the humour, and bought all the others,’ so I have to pay tribute to translator Cindy Colin-Kapen who so cleverly retained the spirit and the humour of the original English. Humour doesn’t always translate to different countries and I’m pretty sure the world is frequently baffled by the things that make us Brits laugh our socks off.

And finally, massive thanks to everyone on both sides of the Channel who worked so hard to make our visit such a success - Isabelle, Evette, Charlotte, Eva, and Lou. And a special thanks to the two wonderful Eurostar attendants who took one look at us as we emerged from the rugby scrum that is the Eurostar queueing system and recognised two women in desperate need of wine. Merci beaucoup, guys.

Looking ahead – the next thing on the horizon is A Family Affair, out in August. I think there’s to be an event at Waterstones, Gloucester, to mark its publication, so please come along if you can. We can talk cheese.

And in September we have The Great Recovery Job at the Leonardo Hotel, Cheltenham. 19^th September 2026. Tickets are available now.

There will be:

Margaritas to drink

A reading from A Family Affair

Book signing

A buffet

Interactive gameplay

Safe cracking

Stolen artefacts to recover

Mysteries to solve

Margaritas to drink

I’m looking forward to seeing you there. As Karin says – The Timeline won’t save itself.

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Jodi Taylor answers - Do you plan character arcs in advance or do they evolve as you write?

In this video, Jodi answers the question: Do you plan character arcs in advance, or do they evolve as you write? She shares insights into how characters develop across The Chronicles of St Mary’s series, whether stories are carefully planned or discovered along the way, and how unexpected moments can shape a narrative.

Filmed live at Stevenage Library, this fascinating conversation offers fans a behind-the-scenes glimpse into character creation, storytelling, and the craft of writing memorable protagonists.

Win a SIGNED hardback and one-of-a-kind signed print when you pre-order A Family Affair by Jodi Taylor

Everyone’s favourite time-travelling bounty hunters are back in A Family Affair, the twisty and hilarious new Smallhope & Pennyroyal adventure!

We are offering one lucky fan the chance to win a hardback copy of A Family Affair and a one-of-a-kind A4 art print, both signed by Jodi Taylor herself.

To enter the prize draw, simply pre-order your copy of A Family Affair in any format, from any UK retailer of your choice, and upload your proof of purchase via the link below. You’ll be automatically entered. Good luck!

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

Bad Moon is a Kindle 99p/99c deal for June

CLICK HERE for UK CLICK HERE for USA

JUNE - GUESS THE AUDIO BOOK COMPETITION

Guess the book and character speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

Put your knowledge of Jodi’s books to the test with our audio clip competition. Listen carefully to a short extract and see if you can identify the book and the character speaking for a chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time.

Audiobooks are hugely popular among Jodi Taylor fans, bringing her stories to life through distinctive voices, character-driven performances, and immersive narration. For many readers, audiobooks offer the perfect way to enjoy a favourite series while commuting, walking, or relaxing. They make stories more accessible, flexible, and engaging than ever.

Tune in, trust your ears, and see if you can name the book and the characters behind the voices.

A Perfect Storm - available for Kindle and is included in The Long and Short of It anthology

Max and her colleagues are facing an unusual challenge—one that doesn’t require them to jump through time but is no less chaotic. Thanks to the world’s most misguided publicity campaign, a film producer is on his way to St Mary’s to avail himself of their services. Equally eager to secure a contract for his next three films, Dr Bairstow instructs Max to ensure all goes well. Or else.

Also involved in the drama is David Sands’ latest book – a time travel story – which bears just a teeny tiny resemblance to St Mary’s and which Max is to suppress. Or else.

Unfortunately, nothing at St Mary’s ever goes to plan, and Max and the team soon find themselves at the centre of a series of disasters entirely of their own making.

From Professor Rapson and his megaphone antics to exploding rocks, legendary pub crawls, superheroes and the world’s largest bacon butty, chaos reigns. The appearance of Angus, one-third of a particularly messy love triangle, only adds fuel to the fire, ensuring that the week at St Mary’s is definitely one for the record books. Just not in a good way.

No jumps but “some people are perfectly capable of endangering life and limb by staying quietly at home” (Authors’s note).

• Win a SIGNED hardback and one-of-a-kind signed print when you pre-order A Family Affair by Jodi Taylor

• 1-7 June is Libraries Week in the UK - Jodi’s books are available for loan as an ebook and audiobook using the Libby app

• Jodi Taylor answers - Max is such a distinctive character. How did her voice develop over time?

• Bad Moon is a Kindle 99p/99c deal for June

• JUNE - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION

• Short Story of the Month: A Perfect Storm

  There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.

Win a SIGNED hardback and one-of-a-kind signed print when you pre-order A Family Affair by Jodi Taylor

Everyone’s favourite time-travelling bounty hunters are back in A Family Affair, the twisty and hilarious new Smallhope & Pennyroyal adventure!

We are offering one lucky fan the chance to win a hardback copy of A Family Affair and a one-of-a-kind A4 art print, both signed by Jodi Taylor herself.

To enter the prize draw, simply pre-order your copy of A Family Affair in any format, from any UK retailer of your choice, and upload your proof of purchase via the link below. You’ll be automatically entered. Good luck!

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

Jodi Taylor answers - Max is such a distinctive character. How did her voice develop over time?

In this video, Jodi answers the question: Max is such a distinctive character, how did her voice develop over time? She shares insights into the evolution of Max, how the character’s personality and humour emerged through the writing process, and why readers have connected so strongly with her over the years.

Filmed live at Stevenage Library, this fascinating conversation offers fans a behind-the-scenes glimpse into character creation, storytelling, and the craft of writing memorable protagonists.

1-7 June is Libraries Week in the UK - Jodi’s books are available for loan as an ebook and audiobook using the Libby app.

Did you know that many UK libraries offer free access to thousands of ebooks and audiobooks through the Libby app?

If you’re a fan of Jodi Taylor’s books, it’s worth checking whether your local library service uses Libby. With a free library membership, you can borrow ebooks and audiobooks straight to your phone, tablet or e-reader at no cost. Many library services carry titles from The Chronicles of St Mary’s, Time Police and other Jodi Taylor series, making it a great way to discover new adventures or revisit old favourites.

Simply download the Libby app, sign in with your library card and start browsing. It’s quick, easy and completely free.

Please note: Jodi’s publishers do not supply to the Borrowbox app - only Libby.

Bad Moon is a Kindle 99p/99c deal for June

CLICK HERE for UK CLICK HERE for USA

JUNE - GUESS THE AUDIO BOOK COMPETITION

Guess the book and character speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

Put your knowledge of Jodi’s books to the test with our audio clip competition. Listen carefully to a short extract and see if you can identify the book and the character speaking for a chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time.

Audiobooks are hugely popular among Jodi Taylor fans, bringing her stories to life through distinctive voices, character-driven performances, and immersive narration. For many readers, audiobooks offer the perfect way to enjoy a favourite series while commuting, walking, or relaxing. They make stories more accessible, flexible, and engaging than ever.

Tune in, trust your ears, and see if you can name the book and the characters behind the voices.

A Perfect Storm - available for Kindle and is included in The Long and Short of It anthology

Max and her colleagues are facing an unusual challenge—one that doesn’t require them to jump through time but is no less chaotic. Thanks to the world’s most misguided publicity campaign, a film producer is on his way to St Mary’s to avail himself of their services. Equally eager to secure a contract for his next three films, Dr Bairstow instructs Max to ensure all goes well. Or else.

Also involved in the drama is David Sands’ latest book – a time travel story – which bears just a teeny tiny resemblance to St Mary’s and which Max is to suppress. Or else.

Unfortunately, nothing at St Mary’s ever goes to plan, and Max and the team soon find themselves at the centre of a series of disasters entirely of their own making.

From Professor Rapson and his megaphone antics to exploding rocks, legendary pub crawls, superheroes and the world’s largest bacon butty, chaos reigns. The appearance of Angus, one-third of a particularly messy love triangle, only adds fuel to the fire, ensuring that the week at St Mary’s is definitely one for the record books. Just not in a good way.

No jumps but “some people are perfectly capable of endangering life and limb by staying quietly at home” (Authors’s note).

Here are five important points from the Imaginales Festival. Easily the most important, we had cheese with every meal. It was fantastic. I know there’s such a thing as egg-bound. If there’s such a thing as cheese bound, I am cheese bound, but it’s been absolutely fabulous. The food here is great.

Secondly, I was amazed at how well-known my books are here. It was a bit of an eye-opener, actually, and I have to say my French publishers, Hervé Chopin Editions and Pocket Editions, have done a fabulous job. So thank you very much, guys.

Thirdly, well, obviously I’m English, so it’s got to be about the weather. I don’t know how hot it is with you, but it has been absolutely melting here. You don’t know what hot is until you’ve been trapped in an enormous marquee with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of other people, and it’s 34 degrees outside.

However, the situation was resolved yesterday afternoon when it went as black as night, and we had the biggest downpour of all time. Obviously, I’m English, and I was much more comfortable being rained upon than I was upon being shone upon, if that’s the phrase that I want.

It was lovely to meet my French editors and publishers. They did a super job with the Imaginales, and if anyone is ever thinking of visiting in the future, do come. It is tremendous. It takes place in a giant park, um, in the lovely little town of Épinal. Um, the food is good, the wine is good, the cheese is to die for, and it’s full of people who read fantasy and want to talk about the books and discuss the characters and the plots.

So yeah, worth making the effort to come along.

And don’t worry about the transport here in France. We came by Eurostar, which was very exciting, except I missed the bit where we disappeared into the Channel Tunnel because I was involved with the facility at the time, and when I eventually emerged, we were in France. So yes, that could have gone better.

Um, and then we were on the TGV, the high-speed transport trains, which are well worth enjoying as you hurtle through the French countryside, which is lovely. So all in all, a great visit, and as soon as I get back, I will put pen to paper and send you something for Substack.

Take care. Bye.

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Just a quick update from France, where Jodi is currently being kept extremely busy signing books, giving interviews and generally being adored by an astonishing number of French readers.

It’s all going wonderfully well, although I should mention that it is also incredibly hot.

Our journey began on the Eurostar from St Pancras to Paris. From there we were whisked by taxi from Gare du Nord to Gare de l’Est in order to catch the TGV to Nancy. It was during this part of the trip that I discovered something quite remarkable – Jodi had never been to Paris before. Given her love of history, I couldn’t quite believe it. Unfortunately, we had no time for sightseeing and were soon hurtling across the French countryside at impressive speed.

Nancy was our first stop and we checked into the wonderful Hôtel Littéraire Stendhal. Every room celebrates a different French author and the entire hotel is dedicated to books and literature. Needless to say, it was exactly our sort of place.

That evening Jodi appeared at the magnificent Hall du Livre bookshop. It’s huge by British standards and the event was packed with enthusiastic readers. It was also the moment we began to realise quite how popular Jodi has become in France. Her publishers, HC Editions, have done a tremendous job building her readership and the affection French readers have for St Mary’s is genuinely heartwarming to see.

The following morning we travelled on to Épinal for the Imaginales Festival.

Now, if you’ve never been to Imaginales, imagine everything you love about a literary festival and then multiply it several times over. More than 120 authors are attending, alongside publishers, booksellers, artists and vendors, all gathered beneath a collection of tents spread throughout the town’s park. Entry is completely free and the festival enjoys tremendous support from both the local community and the publishing industry.

Most importantly, there is an infectious excitement about books everywhere you go. People are talking about stories, meeting authors, buying books and celebrating reading. The atmosphere is simply wonderful.

Yesterday Jodi was interviewed by the French newspaper Libération and today she has a special “Meet Jodi Taylor” event. Throughout the festival there has been an almost continuous queue of readers waiting to meet her. Young readers, older readers, men, women – all united by their love of St Mary’s.

One of the greatest pleasures of travelling with Jodi is watching these encounters. Readers tell her about their favourite characters, favourite jumps and favourite disasters. They bring dog-eared books to be signed and share stories of how the series has accompanied them through difficult times. It is impossible not to be moved by their enthusiasm.

And then, of course, there is the food. We are in the Lorraine region so we had to try the local speciality Quiche Lorraine - this was sublime and nothing like the omelette in a pastry vase we call quiche in the UK.

France is not disappointing us in that department. We are eating exceptionally well and the wine has been equally impressive. It would be rude not to sample the local produce and we are doing our best to fulfil our cultural obligations.

We’re only halfway through the festival, so there is plenty more still to come. I’ll report back again soon with further adventures from France.

Until then,

Hazel

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• Jodi Taylor - What’s in the pipeline

• Jodi Taylor answers - How do you approach researching historical periods before writing them into your stories?

• Jodi Taylor’s Book recommendation: A Degree of Murder by Maz Evans

• MAY - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION

• Short Story of the Month: My Name Is Markham

  There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.

I’m sorry I don’t have much for you this week. I’ve run out of lettuces to slaughter, and I’ve been so busy at my desk that I’ve hardly had time to lift my head, let alone venture outside.

There are plans to publish another anthology of short stories, and because I feel strongly that there should be at least one new story included – and preferably two, if I can manage it – I’ve had to sit down and write them. The working titles are Home in Time for Tea, a St Mary’s story, and Clean- up Crew 29 – the Time Police. The anthology, Short on Time, will be published in paperback, ebook and audio on 20th May 2027, and I’ll be signing copies at Jodiworld 2027.

These are in addition to the Halloween short story – Who’s There? I’ve just seen the cover design for that one and it’s pretty cool – and the Christmas story – Twelfth Night. And I’ve nearly finished the first draft of Well, That Could Have Gone Better. Please note that the word well has made a reappearance. But given the vagaries of publishing it could well disappear again. Give it time.

(That’s a good title for a book.)

Plus, I’m off to France soon to attend Les Imaginales – the Festival of Imaginary Worlds. That’s come around quickly and now I’m starting to get very nervous. Travel. Foreign travel. What could possibly go wrong? It is more than possible that my next bulletin will be postmarked Iceland. Or New Zealand. Or possibly even Hawaii. Yes, my sense of direction is that bad.

Please note that there won’t be the usual email next week, as we will be sending updates from our travels and the festival.

I have to get back to work now- first drafts to complete.

Best wishes to all.

Jodi x

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Jodi Taylor answers - How do you approach researching historical periods before writing them into your stories?

In this video, Jodi answers the question: How do you approach researching historical periods before writing them into your stories? She shares insights into her creative process, how she balances historical accuracy with storytelling, and the challenges of bringing real historical settings vividly to life in The Chronicles of St Mary’s and beyond.

Filmed live at Stevenage Library, this conversation offers a behind-the-scenes look at the research, inspiration, and imagination that shape Jodi’s much-loved time-travelling adventures.

A Degree of Murder by Maz Evans💙📚

This is a wonderfully clever black comedy of tangled relationships, sinister events, deception, downright lying, copious amounts of alcohol and inappropriate sex. Together with an impeccably timed series of shocks peppered throughout the whole book, I tore through the whole thing much, much too quickly. In fact, I loved it so much that I went straight back to the beginning to read it again, because I’m pretty sure some of the finer points passed me by.

There’s quite a large cast of well-drawn characters, and the victims, murderers and witnesses include:

Silly Tillie – the good time girl

Rob – the writer

Marty – the conspiracy theorist

JD – the wide boy

Lilah and Diana – the talented twins

Mags – the mature student

Ed – the boy with everything

Lawrence – the musician

Ryan – the tech giant

Bill – the tutor

The story is set in Bathory College and ranges over a twenty-five-year period from Graduation Day in 2000 to the Class Reunion of 2025 and is told by all the characters as they experience various important events in their lives, together with entertaining updates from the editor of the Bathory Bulletins – Tillie Johnson – a woman who, hilariously, genuinely has no idea what’s going on around her. Talk about getting the wrong end of the stick. Every time …

Not everyone survives – not by a long shot – and there’s twist upon twist at the end.

The best bit for me was that, for a large part of the book, the reader has no idea who the victim is, let alone the murderer. The court scenes are very cleverly handled and manage to contribute greatly to the story without giving anything away and the whole thing gallops along at a terrific pace.

Maz Evans has written two other books – That’ll Teach Her and Over My Dead Body which I think I’ll check out.

PS. And I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or otherwise, but is it possible that the university is named after Elizabeth Bathory, a Hungarian noblewoman and serial killer, also known as The Blood Countess? I do hope so.

Leave a comment

Buy on Bookshop.org

Buy on Amazon

MAY - GUESS THE AUDIO BOOK COMPETITION

Guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

Put your knowledge of Jodi’s books to the test with our audio clip competition. Listen carefully to a short extract and see if you can identify the book and the characters speaking for a chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time.

Audiobooks are hugely popular among Jodi Taylor fans, bringing her stories to life through distinctive voices, character-driven performances, and immersive narration. For many readers, audiobooks offer the perfect way to enjoy a favourite series while commuting, walking, or relaxing. They make stories more accessible, flexible, and engaging than ever.

Tune in, trust your ears, and see if you can name the book and the characters behind the voices.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

My Name is Markham - available in Kindle and Audiobook formats - also included in The Long and Short of It anthology

Christmas is coming to St Mary’s; as always, chaos is not far behind. With preparations underway for the first-ever Children’s Christmas Party, Mr Markham—security officer, reluctant participant, and long-suffering observer of historians—is pulled into the madness. Between questionable reindeer routines and unexpected “poo-dropping” incidents, the festivities are shaping up to be anything but ordinary.

But when Markham, Peterson, and Maxwell are dispatched on a mission to Anglo-Saxon England in 878 AD, things go from chaotic to catastrophic. Their objective? To observe King Alfred the Great burning the cakes and uncover the truth behind one of history’s most enduring legends. However, this is St Mary’s, where no mission is ever simple, and disaster lurks around every corner.

Told entirely from Markham’s perspective, this short story provides a refreshingly wry and sarcastic insight into life at St Mary’s, where security officers remain highly suspicious of historians, time travel is never predictable, and History refuses to behave.

Buy now from Bookshop.org - UK USA

This is a wonderfully clever black comedy of tangled relationships, sinister events, deception, downright lying, copious amounts of alcohol and inappropriate sex. Together with an impeccably timed series of shocks peppered throughout the whole book, I tore through the whole thing much, much too quickly. In fact, I loved it so much that I went straight back to the beginning to read it again, because I’m pretty sure some of the finer points passed me by.

There’s quite a large cast of well-drawn characters, and the victims, murderers and witnesses include:

Silly Tillie – the good time girl

Rob – the writer

Marty – the conspiracy theorist

JD – the wide boy

Lilah and Diana – the talented twins

Mags – the mature student

Ed – the boy with everything

Lawrence – the musician

Ryan – the tech giant

Bill – the tutor

The story is set in Bathory College and ranges over a twenty-five-year period from Graduation Day in 2000 to the Class Reunion of 2025 and is told by all the characters as they experience various important events in their lives, together with entertaining updates from the editor of the Bathory Bulletins – Tillie Johnson – a woman who, hilariously, genuinely has no idea what’s going on around her. Talk about getting the wrong end of the stick. Every time …

Not everyone survives – not by a long shot – and there’s twist upon twist at the end.

The best bit for me was that, for a large part of the book, the reader has no idea who the victim is, let alone the murderer. The court scenes are very cleverly handled and manage to contribute greatly to the story without giving anything away and the whole thing gallops along at a terrific pace.

Maz Evans has written two other books – That’ll Teach Her and Over My Dead Body which I think I’ll check out.

PS. And I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or otherwise, but is it possible that the university is named after Elizabeth Bathory, a Hungarian noblewoman and serial killer, also known as The Blood Countess? I do hope so.

Leave a comment

Buy on Bookshop.org

Buy on Amazon

• Jodi Taylor - I nearly died the other night.

• Jodi Taylor answers - Which historical era has been your favourite to write about, and why?

• Jodi Taylor’s Book recommendation: Wolf Worm by T Kingfisher💙📚

• The winner from the Time Police Writing Competition - Regulation 847.6 Has Been Breached entries is …

• MAY - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION

• Short Story of the Month: My Name Is Markham

  There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.

I nearly died the other night.

Yes – honestly.

I’ve always been a little bit critical of people who have serious accidents in the home – I don’t know why – it’s not as if I haven’t had more than my fair share of domestic disasters, but the other night I very nearly died.

It began, as these things so frequently do, with a moth. Our building is infested with clothes moths. I do my bit with sticky moth paper, but if that fails – as it sometimes does – I hunt the buggers down manually. Believe me – I am relentless. A woman on a mission.

Anyway, I’d stayed up late to watch The Martian. As always, Matt Damon had worked his magic, and I was feeling relatively benign and relaxed. (I try not to go to bed after the ten o’clock news, the watching of which, believe me, leaves me anything but benign or relaxed.) Matt had been safely returned to his home planet, the world rejoiced, Sean Bean went off to play golf with his offspring, and I went to bed.

I have an armchair – on which, ironically, Inflatable Matt rests while we have our evening chat. He’s very sound on any number of subjects, agreeing with my every word, especially on that night’s topic du jour - the benefits of a coloured background in pastel painting. Who’d have thought? Anyway, it was as I was laying my neatly-folded clothes across the armchair – who am I kidding, I just tossed them any old how – but as I did so I glanced casually upwards.

AND THERE WAS A MOTH.

Bold as brass, happily ensconced in the angle between wall and ceiling.

But not for long.

Admittedly, I could have left it until morning – except that with my luck, the little bugger would swarm overnight – or whatever it is that moths do to reproduce – and lay a million eggs in my favourite wool coat – and then I’d never be rid of them. In fact, I’d probably have to emigrate to Canada to escape them. Canada, incidentally, still emails me regularly about emigration. How do I make them stop?

Back to the soon-to-be ex-moth. And the fact that I was very nearly an ex-author – poor Matt would have been an orphan. I climbed onto the armchair, swayed a little, discovered I was three inches too short – a recurring theme in my life – and balanced, somewhat precariously, on the arm of the chair. Think Angelina Jolie doing the curtains in that scene from Mr and Mrs Smith.

In a movement of unsurpassed agility, I lunged gracefully forward and upwards at the moth, the chair tilted, I overbalanced, and put out a hand to save myself. Which would have been a brilliant move if I hadn’t grabbed for the curtain instead of the wall. The curtain, you won’t be surprised to hear, was no support whatsoever. My arm went straight through the central gap between the two curtains, and I found myself falling forward.

And the window was open. Wide open.

The curtain and I were literally falling through the open window.

I live on the second floor.

I had choices. According to my trajectory, I would either impact on the sloping roof one floor down, roll heavily off the other end and impale myself on the rather sharp railing separating the flats from the street, or I’d overshoot the railings to splat heavily onto the probably very unforgiving pavement.

To be honest, neither had any great appeal.

By now, fifty percent of me was reaching the point of no return. Instinct took over. Which was just as well because the rest of me had nothing valuable to contribute to the situation. I grabbed at the curtain.

Which came off the curtain rail. These things are very fragile, aren’t they? However, it did slow me down fractionally. I grabbed at something with my other hand. Turned out to be the central upright in the window frame and for one really nasty moment I thought I was going to pull the whole frame out of its … its … window hole, or whatever the correct term is, and it was coming with me and if I didn’t survive the fall then I’d be featuring in the Afterlife’s Accident Book as Cause of Death – Cut to ribbons by glass in own bedroom window.

However, the curtain slowed my descent, and the window frame altered the angle of my trajectory. I fell heavily sideways, landing on the linen basket, which did nothing to break my fall but did gift me an interesting wicker pattern on one thigh. I hit the floor with a bit of a thud and, somewhat entangled in the curtain because I’d forgotten to let go, it came down with me.

To be honest, the whole thing happened so quickly, I was on the floor before I realised I was falling out of the window. If that makes sense.

Oh – and Inflatable Matt followed me down, so I can honestly claim, however briefly, to have been underneath Matt Damon. Probably not something he’d want widely known.

For anyone still interested – while I lived to fight another day, the moth did not.

Take care.

Jodi x

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Jodi Taylor answers - Which historical era has been your favourite to write about, and why?

Recorded at Stevenage Library

Wolf Worm by T Kingfisher💙📚

This is another of T Kingfisher’s belting gothic horror stories.

The year is 1899 and this is the story of Sonia Wilson, a young scientific illustrator, desperate for a job – any job – after her father’s death leaves her penniless.

Arriving in North Carolina, she takes up a position with the slightly sinister Dr Halder, who hires her to illustrate his enormous collection of, quite frankly, even more sinister insects.

This is a T Kingfisher book, so obviously, it’s not long before strange things begin to happen. A sinister squirrel watches her through a window. An apparently insane possum that knows how to open doors. What horror is affecting the animals around this remote part of the state?

Read more

The winner from the Time Police Writing Competition - Regulation 847.6 Has Been Breached entries is…

Congratulations to Elaine Perkins who was voted, by readers, to be the winner. She has won a £50 gift voucher from Bookshop.org. CLICK HERE to read her entry.

Many thanks to everyone who entered. The next competition is a biggie - a play with the winning entry being performed at Jodiworld 2027. Details are to be announced in June.

MAY - GUESS THE AUDIO BOOK COMPETITION

Guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

Put your knowledge of Jodi’s books to the test with our audio clip competition. Listen carefully to a short extract and see if you can identify the book and the characters speaking for a chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time.

Audiobooks are hugely popular among Jodi Taylor fans, bringing her stories to life through distinctive voices, character-driven performances, and immersive narration. For many readers, audiobooks offer the perfect way to enjoy a favourite series while commuting, walking, or relaxing. They make stories more accessible, flexible, and engaging than ever.

Tune in, trust your ears, and see if you can name the book and the characters behind the voices.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

My Name is Markham - available in Kindle and Audiobook formats - also included in The Long and Short of It anthology

Christmas is coming to St Mary’s; as always, chaos is not far behind. With preparations underway for the first-ever Children’s Christmas Party, Mr Markham—security officer, reluctant participant, and long-suffering observer of historians—is pulled into the madness. Between questionable reindeer routines and unexpected “poo-dropping” incidents, the festivities are shaping up to be anything but ordinary.

But when Markham, Peterson, and Maxwell are dispatched on a mission to Anglo-Saxon England in 878 AD, things go from chaotic to catastrophic. Their objective? To observe King Alfred the Great burning the cakes and uncover the truth behind one of history’s most enduring legends. However, this is St Mary’s, where no mission is ever simple, and disaster lurks around every corner.

Told entirely from Markham’s perspective, this short story provides a refreshingly wry and sarcastic insight into life at St Mary’s, where security officers remain highly suspicious of historians, time travel is never predictable, and History refuses to behave.

Buy now from Bookshop.org - UK USA

This is another of T Kingfisher’s belting gothic horror stories.

The year is 1899 and this is the story of Sonia Wilson, a young scientific illustrator, desperate for a job – any job – after her father’s death leaves her penniless.

Arriving in North Carolina, she takes up a position with the slightly sinister Dr Halder, who hires her to illustrate his enormous collection of, quite frankly, even more sinister insects.

This is a T Kingfisher book, so obviously, it’s not long before strange things begin to happen. A sinister squirrel watches her through a window. An apparently insane possum that knows how to open doors. What horror is affecting the animals around this remote part of the state?

And more importantly, what happened to her predecessor, who also happened to be the doctor’s wife? Their marriage collapsed, but did she really manage to get away from her unpleasant husband?

And what exactly is a blood thief?

Actually, I should probably say that if you’re not into parasitic maggots, then this is not the book for you. T Kingfisher gives us moments of genuine horror. The sinister hut – its mysterious occupant hovering between life and death … aaaghhh!

I honestly couldn’t put it down and sat up late – really late – to finish it. Highly recommended if you like having the socks scared off you on nearly every page.

And don’t forget – Daggerbound, the next book in her Swordheart series will be along soon.

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• Jodi Taylor - Stevenage Library and other news

• Jodi Taylor answers - Did you always intend the series to blend history, humour, and chaos so closely?

• It’s Time to Vote! Choose the winner from the Time Police Writing Competition - Regulation 847.6 Has Been Breached entries

• Jodiworld - The Movie watch now

• MAY - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION

• Short Story of the Month: My Name Is Markham

  There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.

Well, here I am, back at my desk after a brilliant visit to Stevenage Library. And before I go any further, many thanks to all the lovely staff there for hosting such a great event. The turnout was brilliant, and kudos to the organisers for putting all the troublemakers in the front row. Yes, I saw you. All of you.

Thanks to the unexpectedly glorious weather the trip to Stevenage was very pleasant. And, most importantly, very nearly flawless. The only problem came when, less than two hundred yards from our destination, the driver – who shall remain nameless to protect her identity, Hazel – allowed herself to be distracted by the nearby Wine Society and veered off into the wrong lane. So disappointing. However, the fault was soon rectified – there was constructive and friendly but completely unappreciated advice from me – and we were soon back on track.

There was another slight hiccup when we attempted to check into the wrong Holiday Inn – trust me, Stevenage is positively littered with Holiday Inns. We tried four different names and still they refused to let us in so we could lower the tone of their establishment with a couple of glasses of much-needed wine. Eventually, they conceded there was another Holiday Inn just around the corner so off we set again.

Incidentally, the second attempt was successful – obviously this one was much less fussy. I don’t actually drink before an event. The combination of alcohol and difficult questions plays havoc with my ever-diminishing coherence. But for those who want to know – yes, I did have a couple afterwards. Obviously I was extremely dehydrated because they disappeared faster than a politician’s promise.

Anyway – back to the event – successfully negotiated even though I still can’t handle a microphone properly. Sorry about that. And some of the questions were very interesting, requiring deep thought from me. See the para on alcohol above.

While we were away, I actually had an extremely busy couple of days, drafting a possible storyline for a new Elizabeth Cage book, having some deep thoughts about Smallhope and Pennyroyal 3, putting together some notes for a short story to accompany a possible new anthology of short stories (to be launched at Jodiworld 2027) – they’ve all been published before and I like to give my readers something new because of that – and pulled together more ideas for Time Police 7. I had to come home in the end because my notebook was full and the bottle was empty.

If anyone finds themselves in France at the end of May, I’m attending the Imaginales Festival at Epinales. I’m somewhat nervous since I’ve forgotten all the French I ever learned at school. I shall memorise the French for I’m sorry, my French is not very good. I did the same in Turkey and it was only when I eventually arrived back in England that I discovered I’d actually been saying I’m sorry, my Turkish is a cardboard box. Which, when you think about it, more than adequately conveys the message I was trying to get across.

Oh – while I think of it – check out the jodiworld.co.uk details – it’s all looking very exciting. I can’t wait for next May.

Update on The Kitchen Windowsill of Death.

On returning from Stevenage – they’re gone – they’re all gone.

Well, the surviving three have gone to my mother who has a firm hand with this sort of nonsense. How vividly I remember moments from my childhood – ‘Your leg’s dropped off? You’ve got another on the other side. No reason to miss school.’

So three were definitely dead when I arrived home. One hovered, unable to make up its mind – and the last three assumed the traditional droop the second I stepped into the kitchen.

On the plus side, the hydroponics are doing well. Three tomato plants, a pepper plant, a cucumber, three purple basil and something unnamed and sinister. I’m betting it’s a beanstalk.

I don’t know why the government bothers with Porton Down when they could just avail themselves of my apocalyptic horticultural talents.

Take care.

Jodi x

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Jodi Taylor answers - Did you always intend the series to blend history, humour, and chaos so closely?

Recorded at Stevenage Library

It's Time to Vote for the Winner of the Time Police Writing Competition

It’s time to vote for the TIME POLICE Regulation 847.6 competition.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ENTRIES

CLICK HERE TO VOTE

Jodiworld 2025 - THE MOVIE

The film is a joyful, slightly unhinged, utterly heartfelt celebration of everything we love:

• The people

• The pandemonium

• The sheer brilliance of bringing this community together

If you haven’t yet watched it — pour yourself something suitably celebratory (margarita optional but encouraged), settle in, and prepare to lose track of time all over again.

CLICK HERE to watch

MAY - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION

Guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

Put your knowledge of Jodi’s books to the test with our audio clip competition. Listen carefully to a short extract and see if you can identify the book and the characters speaking for a chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time.

Audiobooks are hugely popular among Jodi Taylor fans, bringing her stories to life through distinctive voices, character-driven performances, and immersive narration. For many readers, audiobooks offer the perfect way to enjoy a favourite series while commuting, walking, or relaxing. They make stories more accessible, flexible, and engaging than ever.

Tune in, trust your ears, and see if you can name the book and the characters behind the voices.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

My Name is Markham - available in Kindle and Audiobook formats - also included in The Long and Short of It anthology

Christmas is coming to St Mary’s; as always, chaos is not far behind. With preparations underway for the first-ever Children’s Christmas Party, Mr Markham—security officer, reluctant participant, and long-suffering observer of historians—is pulled into the madness. Between questionable reindeer routines and unexpected “poo-dropping” incidents, the festivities are shaping up to be anything but ordinary.

But when Markham, Peterson, and Maxwell are dispatched on a mission to Anglo-Saxon England in 878 AD, things go from chaotic to catastrophic. Their objective? To observe King Alfred the Great burning the cakes and uncover the truth behind one of history’s most enduring legends. However, this is St Mary’s, where no mission is ever simple, and disaster lurks around every corner.

Told entirely from Markham’s perspective, this short story provides a refreshingly wry and sarcastic insight into life at St Mary’s, where security officers remain highly suspicious of historians, time travel is never predictable, and History refuses to behave.

Buy now from Bookshop.org - UK USA

It’s time to vote for the TIME POLICE Regulation 847.6 competition.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ENTRIES

CLICK HERE TO VOTE

This is what we asked for:

Tone: Deadpan bureaucratic logic meets total time-travel disaster.

How It Works

1. Write Regulation 847.6 (overly specific, official sounding).

2. Write the timeline of the incident that forced the Time Police to create it.

3. Show the chaos escalating logically but absurdly.

Style Guidelines

• Formal report tone

• Ridiculous problem treated seriously

• Increasingly specific details

• Bureaucracy making everything worse

Your Entry Should Include

• A named officer or department

• A time-travel mistake

• Escalation into disaster

• The creation of Regulation 847.6

Recommended length: 400–800 words
Minimum: 200 words
Maximum: 1,200 words

Example Regulation

Regulation 847.6: Officers are prohibited from scheduling overlapping historical revolutions without prior clearance from Administrative Chronology and a completed Form 847.6-C (Revolution Sequencing).

---

The prize will be a £50 gift card from Bookshop.org

The winner will be chosen by a reader poll from closing on the 12th of May, with the winner announced in the May 13th newsletter.

TIME POLICE Regulation 847.6

Time Officers will not, by action or inaction, cause coffee to be removed, deleted or erased from the timeline.

Report.

Officers present. Team 323. Lt Bilson, Trainee Officer Potts, Trainee Officer Panns. Both on secondment from the Catering Dept.

Background

Oxford 1650, Anne Green, a housemaid, fell pregnant after being seduced by her employer’s teenage grandson. At 17 weeks she miscarried and delivered a stillborn child. Frightened, she hid the small body but it was discovered and she was charged under the 1624 Act to Prevent the Destroying of Bastard Children. It was presumed she murdered her child. She was sent before the Judge and sentenced to death.

14th December, she was hanged and declared dead. Green was then placed in a ‘surgeon’s coffin’ and sent to Kemp Hall, the home of William Petty, Professor of Anatomy, where her body was to be dissected. When the lid of the coffin was removed, Anne was observed to be breathing and, apparently, made a full recovery. She was pardoned, allowed to keep the coffin and lived for another 10 years.

Mission.

To verify or disprove the story of the death of Anne Green, Oxford 1650. Also, check that no unauthorised or even worse, authorised time travellers had interfered with the incident in any way.

Events leading up to the “Incident”

Trainee officers Potts and Panns were very eager to prove themselves, hoping to be allowed to contribute more to the active side of Time Police operations and the beginning of the jump went without incident. They observed discreetly and quietly checked that no rogue historians had interfered with the hanging of Anne Green.

It was decided that it would be best if we remained in the area to confirm the details of the resurrection of Green the following day. The next morning, Potts remembered seeing a coffee house at the Angel Coaching Inn and was very keen to try out an early type of coffee. She had found out that a penny was required and somehow had managed to “find one on the ground.” Potts left quickly, promising to bring three coffees back and said she would take no time at all and not cause any trouble (her exact words). I am sorry to report this was not the case.

Potts quickly discovered two things of note.

One. Take-out coffee was not a service the coffee house provided.

Two. Women were not allowed in said coffee house.

Potts did say that the riot that occurred was not something she could have foreseen and had tried her best to explain her mistake. She was attempting to leave when the subsequent fire took hold. She maintains it was a complete accident caused by someone pushing her causing her to knock over a table. The lamp falling onto the highly inflammable floor was also an unforeseen incident. Potts went on to say “How was I supposed to know that they used sawdust on the floor and everything was made of wood? Whose stupid idea was it to have everything made of wood when your only source of light was a naked flame”. Potts later realised that more research may have been needed on her part and was very sorry.

When Panns and I heard the screams and saw thick black smoke rising from the coffee house, we immediately ran over to assess the situation and to assist in any way possible. To that end we removed Trainee Officer Potts from the increasing fracas and after dowsing her cloak, returned her to the pod.. Luckily, she was not too badly charred and Potts admitted being on fire was a regular occurrence in her catering experience.

Under Code 9684/d Time Officers are not allowed to interfere with an ongoing situation involving fire, explosives or incendiary devices . So, we had to retire to a safe distance i.e. the pod and allow the fire to burn itself out. This did take quite a few hours. Luckily not too much damage was apparent. However, the Coaching Inn was completely burned to the ground.

Later, Panns and myself continued with the rest of the mission and concluded that the resurrection of Green was unusual, but not caused by interference from any legal or illegal Time Traveller and reported back to base.

Unforseen Historical Impact.

On our return, we received several notes concerning our jump. The Map Master was a bit vexed and The Commander was more irritable than usual and didn’t know why. They both demanded our presence immediately.

Potts decided that a nice cup of coffee would calm The Commander down. She was very confused to discover that “a nice cup of coffee” did not exist. The only hot drinks available were tea and saloop. We decided to visit the Time Map room first.

The Map Master was very concerned, as there had been a major problem emanating from our jump point. We received some very specific instructions.

“The Time Map had had a complete ***** meltdown. Something ***** big has happened and you lot had better go and ****** sort it or else.”

Some research into the timeline showed that the riot and fire at the Angel coaching house had caused a great deal of damage and coffee was seen as a dangerous and potentially deadly beverage. It was banned in all parts of England. Which meant that it had disappeared from the timeline completely.

How it was resolved.

Potts and Panns researched alternative timeline histories and discovered that a coffee house had been opened up in London in 1652 by Pasqua Rosée. from Turkey.

We then returned to London in 1652 and helped Rosée set up his shop and even suggested an advertising handbill to circulate which extolled the benefits of coffee, claiming “It is excellent to prevent and cure the dropsy, gout and scurvy“, as well as scrofula and “a most excellent remedy against the spleen, hypocondriack winds and the like” Coffee was once again established as a healthy and sober drink.

On returning to present, we were relieved to find out that coffee was an established fact and the timeline had reset itself. Also, The Commander was now much less irritable and much more caffeinated.

Final outcome.

The Commander decided that Trainee Officers Potts and Panns should return to their duties in the kitchen until they had learned their lesson and should be happy they are not scrubbing the latrines with their toothbrush.

They both agreed this was very fair and felt they were much better suited to catering. The past was too big, too scary and far too dangerous. They would rather tell all of the Senior Time Officers that they had run out of bacon than ever get back into a pod again.

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• Jodi Taylor - What I’m Reading Right Now

• Jodi Taylor answers - What originally inspired the concept behind The Chronicles of St Mary’s? at Stevenage Library

• Out of Time is a May Kindle Monthly deal - just 99p or 99 cents

• NEW EVENT: The Great Recovery Job Is Coming…

• The Jodiworld Website: Reborn

• Time Police Writing Competition - Regulation 847.6 Has Been Breached read the entries

• April audio clip competition - guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

• Short Story of the Month: The Great St Mary’s Day Out - a chance to discover some of the St Mary’s short stories

  There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.

The Ending Writes Itself - I was so intrigued by this title and the accompanying blurb. A group of writers are invited to a remote Scottish island by – they think – the world’s most famous author, Arthur Fletch.

On their arrival, however, the excited writers are met with the news that Arthur Fletch died four weeks ago, leaving his hugely anticipated final book only half-completed, and they – the writers – are invited to finish the book. A competition. At stake is a fee of £1 million sterling, plus another £1 million advance on a three-book contract from the world’s leading publishers.

I can’t tell you how I sat up on reading that. Two million pounds! And then made a note to have a word with Hazel and Headline. Well, you never know your luck, do you?

Not surprisingly, each of them – a husband and wife writing team, a horror story writer, a romantic novelist, a Sci-Fi guy, and a YA author- immediately set to work.

Well, wouldn’t you? Two million pounds!

The surprise is that these authors are not themselves famous, well-known, or even particularly successful. They’re what’s known as mid-list. They’re not dreadful, but not leaders in their genre, either. Given it’s the world’s most hotly anticipated last book, you would think Arthur Fletch’s agent and editor – both of whom are managing the contest – could do much better, wouldn’t you?

So why haven’t they?

What is the point of all this?

Sorry, I can’t help you with that because I haven’t finished the book yet – I have to get the Halloween story, Who’s There? – off to Headline this week.

So, obviously, I’m not going to finish the book this week, but I can’t wait to find out what it’s all about. I already have my own theory.

There are mysterious doors and secret passages. The lights go out at just the wrong moment. And someone’s just fallen down the stairs. Complete with a manual typewriter and we all know they’re not light so that’s not going to do her any good at all.

And more good things ahead. Next up on my reading list is Band of Others by MH Foster, the third in the Gentle Apocalypse series. Closely followed by the latest in the Flavia Alba series, There Will be Bodies; T Kingfisher’s Wolf Worm; and Massacre at Market Middling by P J Fitzsimmons.

Oh – and Daggerbound is due in August – the next book in T Kingfisher’s Swordheart series – a favourite of mine. And The Player in the Game – Book 3 of Karen Baugh Menuhin’s Alexander Wolfe series comes out in July.

I don’t know if anyone’s noticed but sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day for all the reading we want to do.

Update on the Kitchen Windowsill of Death. It’s carnage here – like an Agatha Christie murder mystery on steroids. I started with twelve lettuces. Two died thirty seconds after I potted them on. One keeled over last week and one is not looking at all well. The bodies are piling up faster than they did in And Then There Were None – and I’m now down to eight. Whether any of them will live long enough to be eaten by me remains to be seen.

Happy Reading!

Jodi x

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Jodi Taylor answers - What originally inspired the concept behind The Chronicles of St Mary’s? recorded at Stevenage Library

Out of Time is a May Kindle Monthly deal - just 99p or 99 cents

The Great Recovery Job

An immersive, interactive heist experience set in the world of Smallhope & Pennyroyal

Event Date: Saturday 19th September 2026
Venue: Leonardo Hotel Cheltenham

Expect intrigue, puzzles, suspicious characters, and a timeline in serious jeopardy…

You will take on the role of Recovery Agents, tasked with retrieving priceless historical artefacts, solving clues, and thwarting a series of audacious thefts. Failure is… not recommended.

And presiding over it all:

Jodi Taylor will be there throughout the event and will be giving an evening reading from Smallhope & Pennyroyal: A Family Affair — with the opportunity to purchase a hardback first edition and have it signed.

Ticket Details - CLICK HERE to buy now

• Price: £60

Your ticket includes:

• Full immersive event experience

• A large and varied buffet (with dietary needs catered for)

• Reading from Jodi Taylor

• Book signing opportunity

• And yes… margaritas are promised

With space for just 150 attendees, this is set to be an intimate, high-energy, gloriously chaotic event.

Buy tickets now

Discounted hotel room rates will also be available ~ booking codes will be sent after ticket purchase.

The Jodiworld Website: Reborn

The site is now live at jodiworld.co.uk, and it’s your new hub for everything Jodiworld 2027 and beyond.

A few important things to know as you step through the portal:

• You will need to create a new login ~ previous logins won’t carry over

• You can toggle between light and dark mode using the widget at the bottom of the page

• The Scarab icon at the top will always return you safely to the Home Page

• The Obelisk icon at the bottom will whisk you neatly back to the top

We’ve designed it to be intuitive, immersive, and just a little bit magical ~ a digital extension of the Jodiworld experience itself.

You can now register your interest for Jodiworld 2027 directly on the site by logging in (with a new login and password).

Memberships for Jodiworld 2027 will be released in late Summer 2026 ~ giving you plenty of time to explore the new site and begin planning your return to the chaos.

Visit the website

CLICK HERE to read the entries

APRIL - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION

Guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

Put your knowledge of Jodi’s books to the test with our audio clip competition. Listen carefully to a short extract and see if you can identify the book and the characters speaking for a chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time.

Audiobooks are hugely popular among Jodi Taylor fans, bringing her stories to life through distinctive voices, character-driven performances, and immersive narration. For many readers, audiobooks offer the perfect way to enjoy a favourite series while commuting, walking, or relaxing. They make stories more accessible, flexible, and engaging than ever.

Tune in, trust your ears, and see if you can name the book and the characters behind the voices.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

The Great St Mary’s Day Out - available in Kindle and Audiobook formats - also included in The Long and Short of It anthology

Astonishingly, Dr Bairstow has declared a holiday. Even more astonishingly – he’s paying for it.

Needless to say, there are strings attached. They have to record the 1601 performance of Hamlet, with Shakespeare himself in the role of the Ghost.

It doesn’t go well, of course. With Dr Bairstow and Mrs Mack turning a simple visit to a street market into a public brawl, Professor Rapson inadvertently stowing away on a vessel bound for the New World, and Shakespeare himself going up in flames, it would seem that Max, of all people, is the only one actually completing the assignment.

Jodi Taylor says…

‘I challenged myself to get the words “Dr Bairstow” and “selfie” in the same

sentence. Challenge accepted!’

Buy now from Bookshop.org - UK USA

From: Head Legal Liaison Officer (HeLL)

To: Commander Time Police (CTP)

Subject: TP Regulation 847.6: Due for Review

A) Regulation

TP Regulation 847.6: No time police officer is to attend a theatre event outside of their chronological time unless the following conditions are met:

847.6 a) Express authorisation has been given by:

i) The Commander Time Police (CTP); or

ii.a) The Head of the Temporal Arts Re-Regulation Team (TART) and

ii.b) The Head of the Vestment, Clothing And Robing Squad (VCARS)

847.6 b) Clean up crews have undertaken a preliminary sweep to ensure the absence of any St Mary’s personnel.

847.6 c) The following documentation is completed and filed at least 30 minutes before the jump:

i) Form 847 – Book Log certifying that all team members have read the script of the performance in full and have passed an AI knowledge check. Responsibility: Team Leader and Pod AI, to be filed with the Head TART

ii) Form 847 – Vestment and Robe Request for period appropriate clothing. Responsibility: Team Leader, to be filed with Head VCAR.

iii) Form 847 – Weapon Control Log evidencing the surrender of all string and sonic weapons. Responsibility: Team Leader, to be filed with the weapons officer on duty in the pod bay.

B) Reason For Review

Regulation 847.6 has not been invoked in the last 10 years. Per HeLL operating procedures it is therefore necessary to consider whether the regulation should:

a) Remain on the Time Police Operating Statutes (TiPOS) as written;

b) Be amended

c) Be removed from the TiPOS

C) Reason for the Regulation

10 years ago Team [redacted] were called to attend the Exeter Theatre, London on [date redacted] to apprehend two time criminals (TC) who had travelled to record a performance of Dr Faustus by Christopher Marlowe.

Team [redacted]’s pod was subject to inexplicable time drift and they landed 30 minutes late. Officer [redacted], the Team Leader (TL) was neck and neck in the lead with the Team Leader of Team [redacted] in an unauthorised but popular ‘most collars’ competition. Officer [redacted], Team Member B (TMB) had studied Dr Faustus for English Literature A Level (Grade E). As a result the team opted to continue the mission instead of returning to TPHQ and calling for a relief team or, alternatively, waiting to apprehend the time criminals on their return to their pod. It should be noted that the Pod AI did attempt to recommend these courses of action but was reprimanded by the TL.*

As a result of the late arrival, Team [redacted] were unable to apprehend the TC before the start of the performance. Officer [redacted] Team Member C (TMC) remained in the pod to pilot the mini drone which was used to identify the location of the time criminals in the audience. The TC were close to the stage, wishing to obtain a positive identification, TMC piloted the drone forward onto the stage. Unfortunately, the silencers stopped working at this time and a low but audible and persistent buzz was noticed by the actors on stage. TMC tried to move the drone out of the way as quickly as possible, moving between Faustus and the Bad Angel before angling back behind the Good Angel and moving above the pit and out of the theatre. This seems to have caused some unrest amongst both the players and the audience.

Meanwhile the TL and TMB moved into the wings, using their cloaks and the stage curtains to hide from the players. Unfortunately, as Mephistopheles was re-entering the stage with his company of devils (Faustus having successfully bequeathed his soul to Lucifer), he tripped and pushed a devil, the devil reached out to steady himself and managed to make contact with the TL. The TL, finding himself under attack and with reflexes honed from years in the Time Police, deployed his sonic. TMB stepped out from her hiding place in order to render assistance and found herself under attack by those players playing Valdes, Cornelius and Wagner. She deployed her string before moving to stand with the TL. At this point, the Team noticed the TC attempting to depart the theatre and moved to intercept them, again deploying both the sonics and the string. The TC were brought to the Pod which, due to the proximity to the theatre, had its invisibility shield activated. Unfortunately, several departing theatre goers noticed the door open and the TM and TC disappear.

The Team and TC returned to TPHQ successfully with no further drift of the pod. Unfortunately, following this mission the CTP received a ‘strongly worded’ message from the Director of St Mary’s Institute of Historical Research (SMIHR) indicating that the players (and audience) had reported the presence of real devils at the play. So realistic was this ‘appearance’ that the players went home to read their bibles instead of congregating at the local pub.

As a result of this incident the incumbent HeLL was charged with the drafting of suitable regulations to be added to the TiPOS to prevent the recurrence of a similar event.

D) Recommendation

While it has not been necessary to invoke this regulation over the last 10 years it is notable that the Head TART has reported an increase in cultural temporal tourism in recent months. HeLL recommendation is, therefore, to retain Regulation 847.6 on the TiPOS subject to a review in 5 years.

* It is not note that in the last three years, both the Pod involved in this incident and several other pods have started to register protests with the Chief Mech when assigned to certain teams. The AI Legal Personality Bill is currently progressing through Parliament and is expected to receive Royal Consent shortly. HeLL is preparing a briefing note on the steps that will need to be taken to enrol the Pod AIs as legal employees and how to manage ongoing tensions between the AI and our Human (or ostensibly human) employees.

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Regulation 847.6

Officers are prohibited from operating any historical technology without having attained either Certificate 847.6/OHT-B, Certificate 847.6/OHT-H or Certificate 847.6/OHT-A

Technology which may be accessed is dependent on level of certification held:

Basic Certificate (Modules 1 to 15) Mandatory for all officers and trainees.

Higher Certificate (Modules 16 to 23) Optional. Available to all on completion of Basic Cert.

Advanced Certificate (Modules 24-30) Available to senior personal only.

Pass Mark 100%

Background to the Implementation of the above Regulation

Team 307 was dispatched to investigate the so-called Millennium Bug.

Officer Hemingway, who stated on his application to the Time Police that he holds an MSc in Computer Science, admits to saying the words ‘Look, it’s running something called Microsoft Works. They wouldn’t call it that if it didn’t, would they?’ He claims not to know how he managed to programme what should have been a civilian computer to government-level access.

Escalation of Incident

1. The Millennium Bug had originally caused issues with nursery-school enrolment invitations to all persons aged 104 and over. Following Officer Hemingway’s interference, these invitations became mandatory enrolment notices. No exceptions were tolerated.

2. No enrolment of 4-year-olds was permitted. An entire generation of children went uneducated, while Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother attended the ‘Little Petals’ playgroup in Windsor.

3. Mrs Trellis of North Wales received a £35,000 fine from her local Blockbuster for renting ‘Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia’ for 100 years.

4. John Smith of Tunbridge Wells discovered he could not access his bank account as records showed he had not been born yet. He was only the first.

5. Cash registers ceased to function leading to widespread and effectively store- sanctioned shoplifting.

6. ATMs refused to dispense cash. Credit and debit cards were routinely declined.

7. Computers locked their users out, meaning no one could put any of this mess right.

8. Transport network ceased to function.

9. Total economic and societal collapse.

10. Officer Hemingway discovered that the educational establishment from which he received his degree in computer science never existed, hence his complete and utter firetrucking incompetence.

Containment, Control and Reset of the Millenium Bug

Officer Hemingway’s complete and utter firetrucking incompetence necessitated the secondment to TPHQ of the entire IT Department of St Mary’s Institute for six months. Officer Hemingway is on report and should count himself lucky that Dr Maxwell does not work for the IT Department, and her presence at TPHQ was not, therefore, required. Otherwise, he would be lucky not to be looking at summary dismissal.

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• Jodi Taylor - Insomnia

• Jodi Taylor Book Recommendation - The White Octopus Hotel by Alexandra Bell

• Out of Time is out in paperback on 23rd April 2026

• Time Police Writing Competition - Regulation 847.6 Has Been Breached read the entries

• April audio clip competition - guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

• Short Story of the Month: The Great St Mary’s Day Out - a chance to discover some of the St Mary’s short stories

  There’s plenty to read this week and you can see everything on the blog too. CLICK HERE for the blog.

I’m accustomed to getting up at two am in the morning because there’s a piece of dialogue running through my brain that I just have to write down. Now. Immediately. Before it all fades away. Because thoughts in my brain have the life expectancy of a frog in a blender. I have to pin them down there and then or they are gone forever.

I’m actually writing this at 2:16 AM on Tuesday the something of April – seriously, do I look like someone who knows what day of the week it is? At least I think it’s Tuesday. It was Monday when I went to bed and I slept for one hour and forty-five minutes and then I spent about an hour thinking about Time Police 7 so yes – Tuesday.

It’s the small hours anyway, there are no lights on anywhere, no traffic, and it’s dead quiet and I’m feeling like the only person in the world.

Insomnia is lonely but at least I put mine to good use. If I ever slept more than three or four hours a day I wouldn’t be half as productive. I keep a pad by the bed and scribble ideas, or doodle, or, when things get really bad – get up and start moving the furniture around.

I don’t mean like a poltergeist or anything – I mean rearranging, I’ll start with a chair and then the coffee table and then another chair – I do have two chairs! – and then rearrange my bookcases, and then fire up my laptop and write up my notes and ideas, toy with the idea of taking up painting again, have another cup of tea, watch the sun come up, and then fall heavily asleep for an hour or so, and wake up feeling dreadful. I’ll have a shower, answer the phone – it doesn’t matter at what time I shower, Hazel invariably calls when I’m in the middle of it. She says it’s a gift. I stare at the damp ring on the carpet, make another cup of tea and get on with the day.

None of that really seems normal, does it?

It’s just that my brain never stops. It actually wakes me up and says, I know how you can get Max out of her latest predicament. You’ll need to rewrite all of Chapter Three and most of Chapter Four, so get cracking.

And I have to do it if I want any sleep at all. I’m writing this in bed, and then I’ll type it up and send it to Hazel because she once told me she keeps her phone by the bed and it will chirp or light up or something and that will be two of us wide awake then.

Maybe not. Seems a bit selfish.

I bought some cheese today. From Stroud. It’s called Three Virgins. The cheese not Stroud. I’ve no idea why it’s called Three Virgins but it’s very nice. My sister-in-law swears by Baron Bigod. An award-winning Brie made by a British company. Me and Gromit – we like Wensleydale – The Prince Among Cheeses.

Yeah – it’s 2.36 in the morning and I’m writing about cheese.

Bloody insomnia.

Jodi x

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PS: very much looking forward to seeing some of you at the event at Stevenage Library next Monday 27th April. There are still a few tickets left if you’d like to come. I will be signing books there too.

Click here for tickets

The White Octopus Hotel by Alexandra Bell💙📚

I’ve just finished this book and don’t quite know how I feel about it which, I think, is good. We should all have a bit of a shake-up every now and then. To close a book and then have to spend some time thinking about it is no bad thing.

The White Octopus Hotel is very nicely written and who doesn’t love a perfect hotel that gives you everything you need – including the appropriate clothes to wear for the day, a comb that actually ‘does’ your hair for you, and the perfect lipstick.

It is not, however, a particularly cosy read and the twin themes of grief and regret entwine the story rather like the octopus tentacles that crop up everywhere.

I came away enchanted, bewildered, and thoughtful. I’d love to hear the views from other people who have read it.

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Buy now on Amazon

“I was intrigued by this one, mostly because I thoroughly enjoyed the books in this series, but the Welsh setting was a clincher that gave me many laughs, as I live in Wales. The author managed to keep the stereotypical characters to a minimum, and the Welsh phrases were just enough detail. I find the ability to write different plot elements and characters and keep them engaging is awesome. If this is the last, then it certainly makes a superb ending.”

Five-star Amazon review

Order from Amazon

Order from Bookshop.org

CLICK HERE to read the entries

It’s time for another fun writing competition. This time we want you to invent the TIME POLICE Regulation 847.6, then write the incident that caused the rule to exist.

Tone: Deadpan bureaucratic logic meets total time-travel disaster.

How It Works

1. Write Regulation 847.6 (overly specific, official sounding).

2. Write the timeline incident that forced the Time Police to create it.

3. Show the chaos escalating logically but absurdly.

Style Guidelines

• Formal report tone

• Ridiculous problem treated seriously

• Increasingly specific details

• Bureaucracy making everything worse

Your Entry Should Include

• A named officer or department

• A time-travel mistake

• Escalation into disaster

• The creation of Regulation 847.6

Recommended length: 400–800 words
Minimum: 200 words
Maximum: 1,200 words

Example Regulation

Regulation 847.6: Officers are prohibited from scheduling overlapping historical revolutions without prior clearance from Administrative Chronology and a completed Form 847.6-C (Revolution Sequencing).

So get your thinking caps on, write your regulation and then a short report explaining why it was created.

The prize will be a £50 gift card from Bookshop.org

Closing date is 30th April and the winner will be chosen by reader poll from 1st - 12th of May with the winner announced in the May 13th newsletter.

CLICK HERE to enter

APRIL - GUESS THE BOOK COMPETITION

Guess the book and characters speaking for your chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time

Put your knowledge of Jodi’s books to the test with our audio clip competition. Listen carefully to a short extract and see if you can identify the book and the characters speaking for a chance to win a signed copy of Out of Time.

Audiobooks are hugely popular among Jodi Taylor fans, bringing her stories to life through distinctive voices, character-driven performances, and immersive narration. For many readers, audiobooks offer the perfect way to enjoy a favourite series while commuting, walking, or relaxing. They make stories more accessible, flexible, and engaging than ever.

Tune in, trust your ears, and see if you can name the book and the characters behind the voices.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER

The Great St Mary’s Day Out - available in Kindle and Audiobook formats - also included in The Long and Short of It anthology

Astonishingly, Dr Bairstow has declared a holiday. Even more astonishingly – he’s paying for it.

Needless to say, there are strings attached. They have to record the 1601 performance of Hamlet, with Shakespeare himself in the role of the Ghost.

It doesn’t go well, of course. With Dr Bairstow and Mrs Mack turning a simple visit to a street market into a public brawl, Professor Rapson inadvertently stowing away on a vessel bound for the New World, and Shakespeare himself going up in flames, it would seem that Max, of all people, is the only one actually completing the assignment.

Jodi Taylor says…

‘I challenged myself to get the words “Dr Bairstow” and “selfie” in the same

sentence. Challenge accepted!’

Buy now from Bookshop.org - UK USA

Regulation 847.6

Officers shall not store, transport, or conceal fruit-based beverages^[1] within any item of Time Police uniform, nor combine or substitute such beverages with non-consumable liquids, including (but not limited to) military-grade propulsion fuels^[2]. This prohibition applies irrespective of intent, context, or perceived refreshment value.

See also: Regulation 847.7 ‘On the inadvisability of explaining time travel using live ordnance’.

Rosneath (1942): On the Interaction Between Breakfast Beverages and Naval Ordnance

Officer Reporting: Weaver (The sensible one)

Officer in Charge: Murphy (Not)

Report:

Myself and Officer Murphy were mobilised to identify a potential time slip in Rosneath, Scotland, 1942. Given Major West’s view that this was a ‘small anomaly’, and that Officer Dunn was still in MedCen, we were cleared for a two-man operation. Unfortunately, we were called up halfway through breakfast, which, in hindsight, may have been influential.

We jumped without issue. The first complication arose immediately: what is now the gloriously brutal Rosneath Dockland shopping centre was, in 1942, simply docks. Scans indicated the anomaly was underwater, and at the dock edge we identified a partially surfaced submarine, later confirmed as the USS Barb. With only the conning tower above water, the vessel allowed direct access from the dock. Under cover of darkness, and absent most of the crew (reportedly retired to the USS Beaver, which Officer Murphy maintains is a real vessel, though I remain unconvinced), we boarded. Notably, Officer Murphy objects to the term ‘ship’, insisting on ‘boat’ or ‘submarine’. This is acknowledged and ignored.

We cleared the forward compartments without incident. Upon reaching the aft section and just clearing the motor room, all hell broke loose. Sirens sounded, lights flashed, and it became apparent that a drill had been initiated. With a single point of access and the imminent return of crew, extraction was unfeasible. We therefore swore and hid in the nearest compartment, later identified as the after torpedo room (not, as Officer Murphy has stressed, ‘the rear end’).

Space in the compartment was extremely limited. We wedged ourselves behind several large cylindrical objects, (or ‘big metal tube things’) before realising, with some alarm, they were torpedoes. Concealment was achieved briefly, in that we were not immediately waving at anyone; however a four-man crew entered, sealed the hatch, and turned to find two unexpected visitors attempting to become part of the furniture.

Weapons were drawn on both sides, though this was complicated by the understanding that any discharge of weapons near live torpedoes would likely render Western Scotland significantly more uninhabitable than it already was. A mutual decision was made to avoid inconveniencing the local population further. The situation settled into an uneasy stalemate; the crew informed us a flooding drill was underway and would take some time. At this point I made the mistake of reflecting on our interrupted breakfast.

In what can only be described as a well-intentioned but catastrophically executed attempt at diplomacy, Officer Murphy produced two bottles of what he claimed to be orange juice from his pockets and offered to share. This was not well received. The crew believed we had ‘borrowed’ their torpedo juice. A brief exchange followed regarding ownership of beverages. We reassured them that our bottles originated from our canteen rather than their stores. This improved relations, and the crew proposed we simply mix and share the drinks. Under mild tension, and with what can only be described as heroic optimism driven by a desire to avoid an international incident, the contents were combined without regard for provenance.

Only after consumption was the nature of ‘torpedo juice’ explained. Earlier, during ‘routine maintenance’, the crew had decanted small quantities of torpedo fuel into available containers. This fuel, consisting of approximately 180-proof ethanol used in the torpedo motors, had, with a level of understatement that deserves recognition, been universally referred to as ‘torpedo juice’. The resemblance between these containers and Officer Murphy’s orange juice bottles was, in hindsight, unfortunate.

The result was a hybrid liquid (part citrus beverage, part propulsion fuel) still referred to, with evident pride, as ‘torpedo juice’. At this stage, the situation had progressed beyond what could reasonably be described as breakfast-related. What had begun as refreshment became an unintentional introduction to fruit-based high-proof naval propulsion fluid.

The effects on Officer Murphy were immediate and impressive. Within minutes he progressed from concern regarding the taste to enthusiastic international cooperation, accompanied by declining balance. He repeatedly offered to improve the crew’s weapons systems and, at one point, attempted to explain time travel using a torpedo as a visual aid, which was declined with commendable restraint. His condition deteriorated into determined helpfulness, including an offer to ‘hold the boat steady’, despite the vessel being docked. I instructed him to keep his hands in his pockets and stop interacting with anything, which he interpreted as a cue to provide commentary.

Following the drill, we attempted extraction. This was less a matter of stealth than careful management. Officer Murphy developed a keen interest in ‘having a quick go’ on various equipment, which required firm discouragement. Progress was slow, assisted by most crew being otherwise engaged, and Officer Murphy’s conviction that he was being extremely subtle.

It was at this point that we encountered the submarine Commanding Officer seeking clarification as to why two unidentified individuals had been discovered in his torpedo room sharing beverages and, according to one report, ‘explaining the future using one of the warheads’. The situation was not improved by Officer Murphy greeting him as a ‘fellow senior officer’ and offering what remained of the torpedo juice. This was declined.

A brief exchange followed, during which I attempted to provide an explanation consistent with non-interference protocols. This proved challenging, as the Captain assumed we were either enemy agents, or, in his words, ‘the worst trained inspectors in naval history’. Matters escalated further when Officer Murphy assured him that ‘this sort of thing doesn’t usually happen unless the timeline’s gone a bit wobbly’, which did not achieve a calming effect.

The Captain then made it clear that, should any further ‘agents’ be discovered aboard one of his vessels, he would consider it an act of hostility and would ‘personally ensure that the United States is at war with whoever you belong to, and possibly several other parties as a precaution’.

Time Police guidance on interactions with United States military personnel is extensive and unambiguous, particularly regarding actions that could be construed as acts of war. As such, the presence of two unauthorised agents (one visibly under the influence of torpedo juice and attempting torpedo-related demonstrations) may reasonably be considered suboptimal. I therefore commenced immediate extraction. We exited under cover of darkness, aside from a brief delay while Officer Murphy saluted a dockside bollard.

Upon return to the pod, Officer Murphy was propped against the wall-secured in the co-pilot position, where his contribution to the return jump consisted of enthusiastic encouragement and a projectile redistribution of the ingested torpedo juice across the control interface. The Senior Mech later expressed his views through prolonged silence and a disapproving expression.

It is understood that this incident formed the basis for the introduction of Time Police Regulation 847.6, the necessity of which is, in retrospect, difficult to dispute.

^[1]For the avoidance of doubt, describing a fruit-based beverage as ‘perfectly safe’ does not exempt it from this Regulation.

^[2]Clarification issued following repeated internal queries as to whether dilution with citrus constitutes ‘rendering safe’. It does not.

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Regulation 847.6: The Cutty Butty Contamination

Time Police Division
Department of Temporal Compliance Investigation
Incident Report TP/847.6–J 1388

Filed by: Inspector Nathaniel Hume
Cross-reference: Ongoing issues involving Dr Isabel Hume, St Mary’s Institute (related but not a conflict of interest in this instance, neither officers involved in the event, both investigators post event).
Primary Location: North Yorkshire, close to Rievaulx Abbey c. 1388, one monastery, three dependent villages, regional trade route
Affected Unit: Team 248 Junior Officer Finley Cutty

Regulation 847.6

Officers are prohibited from transporting or consuming seeded bread products or “jam butties” during temporal deployment.
This includes all multigrain, seeded, stoneground, rustic or otherwise “enhanced” loaves containing viable plant material, whether visible or embedded.
Jam-based sandwiches are expressly forbidden due to the additional risk of intact fruit seed dispersal.

Permitted food items are restricted to the following:
Hand cut white bread of reasonable uniform composition
Ham, unseasoned, rough cut and free from visible herb matter
Hard cheese of stable origin
Egg, provided it is fully contained and not loose
Seedless mustard, mayonnaise or pickle, applied in minimal quantities
Butter, where structurally necessary

All permitted items must be consumed before departure or, where an extended deployment is required, must be consumed in the pod. At no point should food enter a live historical environment. Without exception.

Summary of Incident, Geographical and Historical Impact

The event originated with Junior Officer Finley Cutty, who brought his own lunch.
The assignment was not routine. The site had already been flagged for minor inconsistencies following a St Mary’s observation visit. Nothing serious, but enough to warrant Time Police presence in case of escalation. The instruction was to investigate and ensure that St Mary’s had managed to restrain themselves for once.

At 13:22, Officer Cutty consumed half of a jam sandwich or “posh jam buttie” constructed from seeded sourdough and raspberry preserve.
At 13:24, under pressure from troop movement and with limited situational awareness, he discarded the remaining portion.
The discarded portion was seemingly trampled into the ground by this same troop.
The ground, at that point, was already churned by foot traffic, livestock, and early ground work. Conditions were unusually ideal considering this is Northern England. Organic matter was abundant. The livestock had amply fertilised the area, confirmed by the aroma present at the site.
Within ten days, germination had begun. Initial plant growth was not noted. The seeds present included sunflower, flax and multiple intact raspberry seeds. None individually unprecedented in the burgeoning English countryside, but collectively out of place and more importantly, introduced in concentration.
The first escalation occurred when local agricultural workers identified the growth as unusually productive.
The second occurred when a nearby monastery took interest. Morning devotionals were transferred to the area and soon a shrine was built, later yielding archeological finds of a “peculiar” nature.
By the following season, the monastery had incorporated the growth into its gardens, claiming the “miracle” as their own and developing a business system which eclipsed the previous history of failure, becoming regionally and historically significant.

The monastery did not just survive where it was previously wiped out, it thrived. Villages in the area which were historically eradicated flourished. The area became a major trade route, more widely affecting land ownership and the success of the church in that area.
The eventual timeline development as far as we can predict using the Time Map indicates a gradual change until it appears to reach catastrophic proportions, eclipsing London, Birmingham and Manchester and reducing them to unknown villages as Helmsley developed as a central administrative hub, drawing trade, governance and population northwards with unexpected efficiency. North Yorkshire became the primary focus of economic and political activity. There would also be a considerable impact on international and temporal cartography and numerous other escalating changes. This is not consistent with the approved timeline and required immediate intervention.
Prolific use of the Time Map indicates the ripples affecting the whole of the developing country, the discrepancy was formally escalated to the Time Police and was found to unfortunately originate within our own team, a matter which has brought some disgrace upon the unit and Officer Cutty is currently known as “Brought his own buttie, Cutty.” Which may require attention at a later date.

Containment

Containment was complicated by the time involved in growth. St Mary’s submitted an observation note describing the development as “fascinating”. This was not helpful.
The hedgerow system resulting from raspberry spread remains under review due to its unexpected resilience. Officers on retrieval were unable to trace every individual seed in the aforementioned “jam buttie”.

Bureaucratic Outcome

Prior regulations addressed technological contamination but failed to account for food as a delivery system for viable biological material.
A full internal review followed and remains open to adjustment until such a time as the hedgerows are contained.
Initial recommendations included banning all food during deployment. This was rejected after sustained objection from field officers who, it was pointed out, still require basic function.
A revised list of permitted items was agreed after extended debate, particularly regarding jam, preserves and seeded mustard. Regulation 847.6 was drafted, amended, clarified, and issued with immediate effect.
Officer Finley Cutty has been retrained and in the short term is no longer permitted to prepare his own lunch.
Dr Isabel Hume submitted a note stating, “You cannot take a seeded loaf into the fourteenth century and expect nothing to happen.” This has been recorded, though not regarded as an opinion required.
The monastery has been returned to its expected level of influence, largely a site for archaeological students on practice digs from the local university.
This is, officially, an improvement, though hedgerow monitoring remains.

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Regulation 847.6: Officers are prohibited from utilising their uniforms for anything other than strictly Time Police duties; specifically, no parts of the uniform or helmet are to be used in any shape or form to contain, attract, glue, bond, link or attach in any way any food item or beverage of any size. Rip-grip patches are to be used strictly and only to secure Time Police regulation issued weaponry and utilities used in the pursuit of Time Police regulated duties.

Report concerning the introduction of Regulation 847.6 and the circumstances thereof.

Team 247: Officers William, Henderson and Hegley, under the command of Lt Chamberlain

Stated mission:

Team 247 were dispatched to the 20^th century in pursuit of Mr Harvey E Weston who had been travelling the timeline to steal military weapons to sell in markets of the future. The removal of such weapons has, however, affected time in that those who were supposed to have died by such weapons have, in fact, lived on, causing unwanted issues in the timeline.

This was a routine but Priority One Search and Apprehend Exercise.

Mr Weston was reported to be in the vicinity of the Matley Ridge area of the New Forest, in October 1917. At this point in history, there were many servicemen being trained in this area, and Mr Weston’s opportunities for weaponry theft were many and varied.

On researching the matter after the mission, it was also discovered that Matley Ridge in the New Forest was home to a school which trained dogs to work in First World War trenches in carrying messages and assisting with sentry duty etc.. [Note: it might be prudent to advise more thorough research prior to future missions – see Lt North for advice.]

Handling of the mission:

Team 247 successfully apprehended the fugitive on sight, disabled his pod, and secured his person within minutes of discovery.

However, on returning to their own pod, the team were swiftly surrounded by a large pack of dogs intent on preventing their return to Time Police HQ.

The dogs proceeded to attack and delay Officer Hegley particularly. Clawing and biting of trouser legs occurred. Officer Hegley realised that said trousers were unfortunately beginning to leave his body and started to run while pulling on the trousers, despite the dogs baying at his heels. He subsequently fell and appeared unconscious.

After the mission, questions were raised as to why a set of well-disciplined dogs were so keen to attack Team 247, and particularly around their attraction to Officer Hegley. There was also confusion as to why Officer Hegley’s uniform failed to contain his admittedly large but well-muscled legs when such an issue had not occurred previously.

Once recovered from his ordeal, Officer Hegley was able to advise. Unsatisfied with the supply of food and beverages available in Time Police HQ, and finding his appetite challenged, Officer Hegley designed a small snack box with rip-grip material on one side. This enabled him to affix said box to the rip-grip patch on his uniform trousers, a patch normally used to secure Time Police issued weaponry and other useful utilities. The aforementioned box was full of beef jerky, useful for appeasing the appetite of one large Time Police Officer, but also very attractive for a pack of hungry dogs, who, upon exercising their natural olfactory senses, clearly felt all discipline depart in favour of a smelly ready-made snack.

During the frenzied tugging of the snack box by said animals, such was the bond between box and rip-grip patch, that the hitherto well-fitted trousers begin to leave the person of Officer Hegley alongside the snack box. While his uniform failed him, it appeared that Officer Hegley attempted to remove his stun gun so that said dogs could be persuaded to cease their pursuit, but instead found himself tripping and falling to the forest floor. In doing so, his stun gun was triggered and Officer Hegley rendered himself unconscious.

Lt Chamberlain can only be commended for her subsequent actions. Faced with the prospect of the comatose, half-clothed and dog-surrounded Officer Hegley, and realising that the noise would soon be attracting contemporaries to the area, Lt Chamberlain swiftly directed Officer Williams to return with Mr Weston to the Time Police pod. Once there, and with Mr Weston successfully secured within the pod, Officer Williams was to activate the newly installed sonic alarm to dispel said dogs as quickly as possible.

It can be reported that the alarm worked well. The dogs cowered, and Officer Henderson and Lt Chamberlain, despite suffering some minor side-effects from the sonic alarm themselves, were still able to carry Officer Hegley back to the pod. Due to the unconscious state of said officer, they returned to Time Police HQ rapidly where Officer Hegley was successfully treated in the medical bay for mild concussion, minor dog bites, lacerations to the legs , miscellaneous beef jerky related injuries and the effects of being stunned by a Time Police weapon.

Post-mission Issues

Unfortunately, once Officer Hegley had recovered from his ordeal, it was discovered that the snack box had been successfully captured by an intrepid but unknown dog, and the box was therefore unhappily still situated in the wrong century.

Being made of a material unknown in the 20^th century, and desiring to not further affect the timeline, Team 236 was dispatched, armed with sonic weapons, liquid string and dog nets, and after approximately 4.25 hours of search and rescue, were successfully able to locate and return the box to Time Police HQ. The beef jerky had unfortunately been consumed by the dogs so could not be returned to its correct timeline.

However, despite exhaustion, cuts and bruises, some minor dog bites, and having imbibed an unhealthy amount of 20^th century New Forest mud, Team 236 much admired the snack box, as did other observant officers; it became apparent that plans were afoot for many members of the Time Police to adopt the idea and attach similar to rip-grip patches for future snack use.

This new regulation has been created therefore, to prevent any further pollution to the timeline. This will be entered into Time Police Official Regulations, with all normal consequences for said regulation being broken.

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Regulation 847.6

Under no circumstances is any officer, trainee officer, field operative, or member of Team 385 to rescue, adopt, relocate, conceal, feed, comfort, name, transport, or otherwise become involved with any goose, gosling, duck, duckling, swan, cygnet, chicken, or other historically situated avian entity during an active operation to apprehend illegals or correct anomalies in the Timeline without the prior written approval of Animal Containment, Field Operations, Historical Integrity, and Captain Harker. Statements including but not limited to “it was only a baby,” “it would have died,” “it liked me,” and “I only picked it up for a minute” shall not be accepted in mitigation.

Time Police Internal Report

Subject: The Bruges Incident

Filed by: Captain Harker

Unit involved: Team 385

Status: Closed, regrettably

At 11:17 local time, Team 385 deployed to Bruges, 1468, in response to reports of an illegal time traveller operating in the vicinity of the Burgundian court during the marriage celebrations of Charles the Bold and Margaret of York, together with a minor but developing anomaly in the sequence of ceremonial events.

The illegal in question was believed to be using the crowds, processions, and general confusion of the day as cover. Team 385’s orders were simple. Locate the illegal. Identify the anomaly. Correct both. Return without attracting attention.

At 11:19, Officer Grainger removed a gosling from beneath a produce cart.

This was not part of the mission.

When questioned later, Officer Grainger stated that the gosling was trapped, squealing, and in immediate danger of being crushed by a wagon wheel. Officer Dacre stated that this remained none of their business. Officer Murdoch stated that taking hold of one small bird for a few seconds could not possibly compromise the operation.

This assessment was incorrect in every particular.

At 11:20, the parent goose returned.

At 11:21, Officer Grainger, now carrying the gosling, was pursued across the square by a highly motivated adult goose with excellent speed, strong opinions, and no respect whatever for operational discipline. In evading it, she collided with a stall selling devotional trinkets, ribbons, and sugared pastries. This caused noise.

Noise was unhelpful because at 11:21 the illegal, who had until then been under intermittent surveillance by Officer Dacre, looked round, spotted the disturbance, and moved away into the crowd.

At 11:22, Officer Dacre attempted to continue the pursuit while also disentangling Officer Grainger from the goose. He was not successful in either objective.

At 11:23, Officer Murdoch deployed a localised distraction field in order to cover the disruption and buy the team a few seconds. Unfortunately, due either to poor luck, poor timing, or simply Team 385 being Team 385, the field deflected a section of the Burgundian ceremonial procession directly into the affected area.

At 11:24, the illegal took advantage of the diverted guards, crossed a restricted point in the square, and interfered with a sequence already flagged as vulnerable.

This was the anomaly.

The illegal, in attempting to hide behind a ceremonial gift table, pulled at one corner of the cloth. The goose, reacting perhaps to movement and perhaps to simple malice, launched itself in the same direction. The table overturned.

At 11:25, an inkstand was spilled across a seating list.

At 11:26, the blue-and-gold ribbon marking the precedence of the English gift table was detached from the correct item and attached to the wrong one.

At 11:27, a clerk made a hurried amendment to the order of presentation.

At 11:28, two minor officials began a dispute over precedence.

At 11:29, notes were taken.

In the subsequent review, Officer Shaw and I agreed that matters might still have remained recoverable had Officer Murdoch not chosen this moment to shake emergency grain from his pocket while saying, “Here, birdie.”

This attracted not only the original goose but three further geese, several ducks, and one swan. No satisfactory explanation has been provided for the swan. Officer Murdoch maintains that it was already there. Nobody believes him.

By 11:31, the square had become the site of an active pursuit, an unresolved anomaly, one escaping illegal, a compromised ceremony, and a worsening concentration of hostile waterfowl.

At 11:33, Officer Dacre apprehended the illegal.

At 11:33 and several seconds, he discovered he had apprehended a local silk merchant of respectable standing and extremely understandable indignation.

At 11:35, the actual illegal, still at large, took advantage of the ceremonial confusion and made a second adjustment to the order of proceedings, this time creating a survivable but unacceptable branch in which the incident later appeared in three accounts as a deliberate slight by the English party to Burgundian dignity.

At 11:37, Officer Grainger secured the gosling.

At 11:38, the goose secured the table runner.

At 11:39, the swan secured the chapel entrance.

At 11:40, Officer Murdoch secured the square temporally in an effort to prevent further contamination, thereby trapping Team 385, two clerics, five officials, one pastry seller, one eel woman, the wrong prisoner, the actual illegal, and all relevant birds inside a stabilised containment zone.

At 11:42, the actual illegal attempted escape by climbing a statuary plinth and was knocked off it by the swan.

This, unexpectedly, was helpful.

At 11:44, the illegal was finally apprehended.

At 11:45, the anomaly remained uncorrected, because nobody could get near the overturned table without provoking further avian intervention.

At 11:49, Team 385 requested assistance.

At 11:50, I received the request.

At 11:51, I received a second request, marked urgent.

At 11:52, I received a third request consisting solely of the words: “Bring nets. And perhaps a priest.”

I arrived at 11:57 to find Officer Grainger crouched behind an upturned bench holding a gosling wrapped in part of a ducal cloth, Officer Dacre trying to explain the wrongful arrest of a silk merchant, Officer Murdoch defending the tactical logic of grain, and the illegal handcuffed to a decorative pillar and complaining about the swan.

Timeline restoration required the removal of all birds, the reinstatement of the correct seating order, the substitution of one damaged ribbon, the repositioning of two witnesses, the correction of three written references, the release of the silk merchant with compensation, and the suppression of an emerging divergence now retained in sealed records as the Bruges Waterfowl Incident.

The sequence has since been stabilised.

No approved historical account now refers to “the Fowl Insult.”

The review concluded that the primary cause of the incident was not the illegal, nor the anomaly, nor even Officer Murdoch’s indefensible grain-based strategy. The primary cause was Officer Grainger’s persistent inability to see a distressed creature without behaving as if all operational priorities are temporarily suspended.

Regulation 847.6 was therefore enacted with immediate effect.

Officer Grainger objected to the phrase “persistent inability.”

Forms wished to insert the word “pathological.”

I declined on the grounds that we are, at least in principle, a professional organisation.

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